aequanimitas

学不会

2011-12-26T13:16:00.000-08:00

有时候，真的觉得自己真的好像永远学不会。

going against all odds

2011-11-23T05:47:00.000-08:00

i have to admit, i am currently in a very tricky situation, and this is what happens when my expectations don't meet my ability / capability.

i will have to go against all odds to reach that flickering light at the end of the tunnel.

i will be strong, and hold on to what i have always believed in.

i will be a bear lady if i have to, and watch me snarl, growl, and fight.

losing creates a winning opportunity. i believe in that :D

2011-10-28T17:59:00.001-07:00

Without me realising, I am once again caught in the trap of uncertainties. But to be honest , why the fear, if it is the truth, and if it is destined. Don't lose yourself in times like these, ying. The happiest and most courageous ones are those who are in pursuit of their dreams, and feared nothing :)

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the dreamer and the follower

2011-10-16T17:44:00.001-07:00

The dreamer and the follower had in each of their hands, a pot of gold.

The follower, amazed by the beauty of gold, stared at it all day and keep telling people of his pot of gold.

The dreamer, knowing that the gold being meaningless to him, threw away the pot of gold and went in search of his dreams. He saw the beauty of the world, which is definitely not limited to, only a pot of gold.

It's a short story that came to my mind before I close my eyes. simple as it is, but it is a reflection of what I feel. If asked, who am I? The dreamer or the follower?

Well, I once was both. Now, I hope I'm the dreamer. It might be a start, but let's not draw an end to it. :)

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emotion tweaks

2011-10-16T08:27:00.001-07:00

It is autumn in London, and winter is almost approaching as the sunny days becomes increasingly gloomy.

With winter around at the corner, it is inevitable that one might experience seasonal affective disorder, which is a mild type of depression that appears only in winter, with a high prevalence amongst English population (lol)

I used to be quite sceptical about this type of depression, and uses to think that the lack of sunshine is the ultimate cause of whatever unhappiness that occurs during winter. But realising that depression being merely circuit faulty between different neural networks in different regions of the brain offers an alternative view that perhaps, it is not a big thing after all. Maybe all we need is a decreased activation of amygdala :)

Till then, stay positive. When in a situation of panic, bear in mind that they are just emotion tweaks in the brain. :D

P.s. : I hope this is not my last winter here :p

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get it right

2011-09-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

"rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending, then you are never gonna get it right."

is it true?

this is a song shared by lyn-xiu, and my heart echoes strongly with the lyrics, just like her. i guess we often think that we are alone, but we actually aren't.

i really don't care how many times it takes, as long as i get it right. :D

What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight.

If - Rudyard Kipling

2011-08-24T05:02:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

this came across my mind today; which brightens up my gloomy day! :)

recent happenings

2011-08-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

home.

i have been missing home terribly. i am having recurrent dreams of my mum, home, and whatever that lies in Malaysia, this beautiful piece of land which its peace is accentuated, after experiencing the riots that are happening in London. perhaps the riots made me miss home even more. my heart would startle, at the faintest sound of police siren; my eyes follow, wherever the police van goes, in fear that my intended destination has ongoing riots. surprisingly, i have seen a empty few police vans outside fisher hall as i leave for work at 7 this morning. 莫非是空城计？还是三十六计，走为上计？ :)

work.

i am currently working as an undergraduate researcher (rather more likely to be an ASSISTANT) in hammersmith hospital. it is not one of my most favourited campus, but i have gotten accustomed to it and have even liked it for the cheap groceries i can buy from Tesco's in hammersmith. workwise, i have been 'diligently' at work, more like a manual worker and learning stuffs as i go along. i am envious of those who are doing independent research work (which sounded so much more fun and chun), but understanding that researching on animals and humans has serious ethical issues to be dealt with, and seeing that i am enjoying both my animal part and human part of research, i have often tell myself to be content with what i have. not to mention, i was rewarded with chocolates for helping researchers with their work and the news of the stipulated increase in the amount of stipend which i am yet to receive lighten up my spirits a little. 3 weeks more. i will definitely miss this place by then.

life over here, in short, is peaceful. each day is merely a repertoire of work, reading/ watching movie/ facebooking/ chatting/ travelling (occassionally). on an honest account, my life here is boring i have to admit, with the separation from friends and family, loneliness does creep in at times. it definitely does not sound extremely wonderful, but i truly appreciate for what is given and try to make the best out of it. it is after all, the art of life, to see through the complexities in life, and to view it in the most simplest form, its most purest form. And then, to embrace it with the most determined manner, to make a difference.

happy mother's day

2011-05-08T04:34:00.000-07:00

thanks mum. happy mother's day.

i'll try my best, to make you proud.

u're the best thing in my life. <3

2011-05-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

a tiny reminder to myself: when you want to achieve something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it. even when the people around you have failed you, or you might have failed yourself even, but the universe will never ever give up on you when you don't give up.

织梦

2011-04-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

织梦的日子早已过去，是时候该逐一实现了。

colourblind

2011-03-20T06:37:00.001-07:00

a nice song that got me caught whilst reading for humanities :)
never knew overtone is soooo amayzzing!!

thorns vs. stones

2011-03-13T19:04:00.001-07:00

i have to admit, i am not that much of a hedonistic person these days. perhaps life has toughened me up a bit, and i somehow realised that pleasure is not the ultimate happiness. and being constantly happy is not a good thing. and this view shall lead to a conversation i had with vonne yesterday.

so it was a ji mui session, where htht was the ultimate goal of us meeting up. so i told her about the uncertainty of my future, my worries and my doubts. i was at a junction where i couldn't decide which path should i embark upon.

and the advice she gave was, which i am more than glad to share:

so she said:
'get your direction. you are at a point where 2 roads diverge and you don't know what to choose. one has stones, and the other has thorns. so you are considering the implications of both the stones and the thorns, and considering both doubles the worry you have. take your pick. stones or thorns? '

so that was what she told me.

sometimes, life is too overwhelmed by stressful events that the future becomes a blurred picture. but, just like the fog in the mountain; the mountain is always there no matter what. all we need, is just a slap right in your face by your BFFs to shout to you : HEY, WAKE UP!!

and yeah, so thanks vonne. it was a good piece of advice and i do heart you and you do know it :)

p.s. thorns or stones, that's my pick and i'll overcome 'em one by one. so this brings back to the hedonistic view :)

hello march

2011-03-08T04:08:00.001-08:00

with spring lurking around the corner, my happiness within is inexplicable.

finally, there has been sunshine for 2 or more than 2 consecutive days and it makes travelling to hospitals for lectures more desirable.

time is a speedy, silent traveller.

surprisingly, it IS NOW the month of March which is the equivalent to exams and deadlines. and oh dear, i still have tonnes of pending workload. well, i believe i will have to work anyhow, however, i would rant once in a while, to ease the stress.

3 weeks more and i'm home. MALAYSIA!! love love love xxx

spiral

2011-03-05T05:06:00.001-08:00

it is a spiralling staircase without an end.

you are so busy that you don't even have time to stop and think.

when you finally have some time to take a breath,

you caught a glimpse of your thoughts,

spiralling downwards, and you're trapped .

deeper and deeper.

the more you struggle, the greater the trap.

then you realised : you need a break, a form of release.

and how soothing it is. :)

midnight rambles

2011-01-27T19:13:00.000-08:00

yes i shamelessly admit that i am a lazy blogger.

but as bad a person is, there will be some moments of remorse and this moment just came to me and i decided to do something about it. so here's a quick update from me:

my parents are coming !! and you can imagine the little girl inside me screaming hooorah which can be heard blocks away :) yes. I am super-excited-about my parents coming over!! deep down inside i know i am bad daughter for ridiculously allowing my parents to fly all the way from msia to find me, and yes i think i made insatiable demands (oh well, sort of) but my conscience keep telling me it's alright !! (and i think that is the wrong bit which i admittedly deny)

hrmm, so it is time for me to be spoiled and pampered by the most amazing mum on earth, at least for a few days before reality hits back again. i can't wait for hugs and kisses, cookies, milo to be delivered to be by my most favourite person(s) on earth. X)

i do consider myself a lucky girl, all the time. and i do count my blessings. :D

i am looking forward to a "dopamine-endorphine-serotonin-hypersecretion week"!!

random thoughts: barricades are non-existent. they are just formed by our perceptions. if you hit something, re-route and you'll find your way. :)

i know i'm rambling nonsense. it's late night now. :D

forgiving

2011-01-10T16:47:00.000-08:00

if i did not forgive,
i should be untrue to myself,
in that i should thus act as if i were not guilty in the same way as the other has been guilty to me.

i must forgive the lies directed against myself,
because my own life has been so many times blotted by lies;
i must forgive the lovelessness,
the hatred,
the slander,
the fraud,
the arrogance which i encounter,
since i myself have so often lacked love,
hated, slandered, frauded, and been arrogant.

i came across this from my humanities reading and i am just so impelled to share it.

forgiving, is a sort of sweetened triumph of self-sacrifice. and by forgiving, is to be just to oneself, to be sincere to oneself. don't you think so? :D

random.

2011-01-10T16:03:00.000-08:00

i came across this when i was writing for my humanities essay:

"whenever my life has given itself out in any way for the other life, my eternal will-to-live experiences union with the eternal, since all life is one. I possess a cordial which secures me from dying of thirst in the desert of life."

interesting. if only everyone behaves that way, what a wonderful world we would be in. :)

3 more days to go and i'm free from exams!! i can't wait for this to be over :D

p.s.: bao bei i promise i'll update you soon. once my exam ends. ;)

A date with sunshine

2010-12-09T02:09:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, my life is just too overwhelmed with workload and life events that i couldn’t bring myself to blog with the right mood.

But today is an exception. For it is a sunny day. :)

“The sun, as radiant as a glowing bride, radiates warmth that penetrates deep into the heart.

And from there, it arouses feeling of contentment and plain happiness within the heart.”

So off I went to hyde park on a solo mission: to have a date with sunshine, took some nice shots, spent one and a half hour immersing myself in the joy of pure happiness. It was inexplicably awesome. : )

My favourite shot of the day :
*uploading failed* sorry, couldn't upload the pic. will upload it some other day :D

Aha. So this os a short post from me. Yes I’m busy these days but I’m still kicking and alive and bubbly!!

To my piling workload: I will conquer you someday. You will not take over me. NO.

Yes, sometimes I do feel like I’m breathing through scant air, but anyhow I won’t quit. Fight on, it is! And that is the way how it should be. :D

Goodnight folks. : )

reminder

2010-11-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

加油!

is a word i need to constantly remind myself. i feel like i have just woke up from a deep slumber, and it is time to move on.

there are no ways of turning back time, and no time for looking back.

stride forward, it is. and it should be.

the little girl has to grow up, eventually. :)

winter

2010-11-08T03:35:00.000-08:00

winter is creeping in, rainy and cold, as usual.

the trees have peeled off their gold coat, showing their bare backbones.

sunshine which is available at no cost in malaysia, is a luxury over here.

i hate winters, but i guess all we need to endure the cold winter is just some resilience and a cup of hot chocolate to keep us all warm.

i can't wait for spring again :)

buddha teachings

2010-11-05T02:48:00.000-07:00

it is really hard to draw a boundary between dreams and reality.

DREAM :
when you wanna achieve something that's really far from you, really badly : like.. getting into harvard ?

REALITY :
when reality hits: you realised you don't have the capability to do so.

so, when these don't balance out each other, all is left is merely disappointment. how sad that is.

but hey, i learnt something from the buddhist society event i attended yesterday:
i) your should be content with your life.
so if everyone feels content about their lives, where and how does the society
improve?

the following is the answer for the question above :

ii) the purpose in your life is to make the world a better place.

so you should by any means strive to make the world a better place, and be content with what you have achieved thus far (if you have worked hard enough)

so work hard folks, let's make this world a better place.

okay. enough of rambling, time to get back to my antiviral chemotherapy :)

p.s. i never wanna get into harvard, that was just an example :)

2nd year. 1st month

2010-10-27T04:58:00.000-07:00

here i am, just about to pass a month's life of my 2nd year in university, perhaps this is the time to review how i have lived my life for the past month.

there is this realisation that came across my mind : i have realised that i am neither here, nor there. i am just hanging in the middle, which apparently seems i'm not getting anywhere. so, not so good. but at the very least, i have taken the very first step and i guess the courage to make the first move, is a good start.

i have got drunk during my first month here. it was my ex-roomie's, laura's birthday and she poured me 3 cocktails. by the 2nd and half, i'm already tipsy. what happened after i got drunk was pretty embarassing and therefore i vow, not to succumb to the lures of alcohol. ANYMORE.

i have quitted learning french this year, for i am afraid i don't have time to cope with it. so, i guess it is time to do some self-learning and save the 185pounds for shopping and travel, and i pretty much count on my housemates to teach me :P so, no more french this year.

i have been missing my bernard sunley mates as well! i guess they have changed my perspectives quite a lot. and i somehow regret not spending enough time with them, i guess i spent a lot of my time last year with books. i could have learnt more from them. but anyways i do hope there is an opportunity to catch up with each other sometime, some day.

so, this is a short note from me.

and i would like to quote what my personal tutor said to me the other day : it is impossible to predict the future, so why not do what you enjoy best, and make the best out of it ? i guess it has wakened me up a bit. i have to admit : i am a person who likes order in life. i am a person who lives with 'to-do-lists' and deadlines, and i live on expected outcomes. this is good, but i guess i should let go of my principles and do what i enjoy doing, once in a while. my floormate last year, jae have been telling me to loosen up a bit, but i wonder why now only it starts to make sense. but i guess it's not too late yet :D

so, another 99 more steps to go !! jia yous!

love from london.

p.s. : it is really hard to blog and organise my thoughts after i haven't been doing this for a long time. but i promise i will come up with more exciting posts. next time :)

2010-09-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

to my dear friend:

i was reminded,
how our dreams resonated,
just like songbirds echo-ing,
at the break of dawn.

i was reminded,
how many odds we have,
yet the similarities we share,
made us the right match.

i was reminded,
life is like a roller coaster ride,
though there are bumps,
but with you the gaiety never ends.

i was reminded,
of all the millions of people,
i must have been lucky,
to have met you in my life.

happy birthday vonne ! u and kath were right in my mind when i wrote this :)

p.s.: the 4th paragraph is just super cliche that it lacks orignality, guess i'm sleepy. will improvise upon it soon !! :p

home

2010-07-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

dawn greeted me the moment the plane touched down on the lands of malaysia. the warmness radiated by the sun penetrates into the soul, the heart and fills it with joy and love. i know, the heart is at peace.

speaking of the greens of the grass, so uneven, which displays itself in a blend of hues, each stands distinctively on its own, yet blends well with the others, just like a multiracial country with each individual playing an important role on its own.

the familiar bahasa malaysia which was widely used in the airport, was perceived as a warm and welcoming language, at least it is one that foreigners would not understand, just like announcing a widely shared secret amongst the people of malaysia.

home feels like the soft velvety touch of carpets, smells like the sweet calming scent of vanilla, and tastes like caramel. here i am, wrapped in the blankets of warmth and joy.

i'm at peace now, for i'm back at home. =)

p.s. : on a side note, if i have a pet in the future, i would name it after dawn. :)

Petronas Chinese New Year Ad

2010-06-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

one of the amazing tv commercials by yasmin ahmad.

i miss home. :)

a note to remember

2010-06-06T13:45:00.000-07:00

doubt sees the obstacles,

faith sees the way.

doubt sees the dark of night,

faith sees the day.

doubt dreads to take a step,

faith soars on high.

doubt questions, "who believes"

faith answers, "I".

kays back to work. :)

venting

2010-06-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

i am now holding on to the thin strand of reasoning.

please don't think i am very free, i am having exams.
i am not begging. i'm just asking. is it that hard ?
and the reason i'm doing this is not for me.
step back and look at the bigger picture.

please be considerate to me too.
please trust me and believe in me that i'm not being mean. i can't. i really can't.(usually i would try my best, but sorry i can't this time. i'm really really sorry.)
i have greater priorities ahead.

i am already under stress mode. don't make things even harder for me. please.

if it snaps and the little devil breaks loose, i dunno what will happen.

it is exam period and i just realised little things do make me get on my nerves. little things that i don't usually care. or won't be offended nor affected. things that i would usually say OK.

i am being over-sensitive and i hate myself for being so sensitive.

telling myself : come on, just get over it.

i'm alright.

LOVE and FORGIVENESS where art thou?

知足

2010-05-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

知足五月天 http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/400838ht.htm

那么多年了，依然动听。
那么多年了，五月天依然那么赞。

知足，依然能打动我的心。

知足者，常乐也。但，知足岂不太难了？

寻梦，是知足吗？

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

2010-04-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

love it. <3

faith

2010-04-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

the concept of faith is something abstract. inexplicable by actions nor words.

it depends on how much you are willing to sacrifice, especially when all seems bleak.

but no matter what.

keep faith. have faith.

for it is something that keeps us moving on.

cheers and love.

=)

awful

2010-04-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

she has been in front of the computer, trying to absorb the materials into her tiny-weeny little brain.

BLANK.

BLANK.

BLANK.

how frustrating it is. when it is clearly understood that what needs to be done. yet the brain is not giving co-operation.

it is a sign.

I NEED A BREAK FROM WORK.

more happy thoughts please ? =)

pseudo-emo. :)

2010-04-23T03:37:00.000-07:00

'We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.'

Aristotle

how motivational it sounds when the soul is frail.

haha nah i'm alright. this is just one of the pulsating emo moments when i'm studying. i believe everyone has experienced it before so no big deal.

now i shall post this and get back to work !

*happy thoughts, happy talk*

xoxo

of books

2010-04-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

seriously, what else can be better than a book as a present?

it is a wonderful little surprise i got from vonne. a parcel from amazon came today and it is a book from paulo coelho, adding 1 more to my current collection *wheeee~*

the title of the book is : like the flowing river.

and i never ever told her that of all prezzies, i love books most, for books are companions for life. especially good ones. :)

she understands me best.

i'm super duper touched. seriously i am soooooooo happy that i was literally jumping up and down when i received the book and my hallmate said: it's just a book, why are you so happy? no. no one can understand that happiness :)))

what else can i ask for from a friend who understands me like this?

*huggies for my awesome BFF*

A BIG BIG THANK YOU!! you are seriously an awesome friend, you might have realised that by now, :p

xoxo

from me, with lots of love <3

fairy-tale.

2010-04-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

yes this is it. my early 21st bday present from vonne. a super early one i would say. :)

she said: good friends are like fairies. u can't see them but they are always there to help you when u need them.

so.. i love my fairy.

thanks vonne! it is splendiferous. *grins*

me heart u to bits.

xoxo

p/s: u know i'm never good at writing to express my feelings, i'm always the insensitive, the blur one, but.. i really mean it. thank you very much, deep down from my heart. <3

*super big smiley*

my bday is still a long way ahead.

signing off as nerd-wannabe for now :)

why leave man to the sixth day ?

2010-04-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

Why leave man to the sixth day

A group of wise men gathered to discuss the work of God; they wanted to know why he had left it to the sixth day to create men.

"He thought about first organising the universe well, so that we could have all the marvels available to us," said one of them.

"First of all He wanted to run some tests on animals, so that He would not make the same mistakes with us," argued another.

One wise Jew showed up at the meeting. They told him the theme of the discussion: "in your opinion, why did God leave it to the last day to create man?"

"Very simple," commented the wise man. "So that when we are moved by pride, we would remember that even a simple mosquito enjoyed priority in the work of the Divine."

Haha. Love the story. Got it from paulo coelho's blog. :)

random stuffs that she misses.

2010-04-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

yes. i miss each and everyone, everything here :)

my dearest bao bei. taken before bao bei left for india to pursue her dreams of becoming a doctor :)

my buddy ah wei. that was the only time we managed to see each other in .. half a year's time? :)

the 5s3 gang. taken at our fav dim sum hot spot. miss the company.

BFF camwhore shot 1 of infinity. ying, jul and vonne. i still like vonne with her short hair, although her long hair doesn't look bad either.

BFF camwhore shot 2 of inifinity. kath, ying and jul. kath i think u look pretty here.

pm 16. with our fav chem lecturer miss careen. everyone looked very different back then. :)

i miss my bed. i miss waking up by the sunshine which shines through my window :(

i miss penang food. prawn mee is hereby elected as the representative for all the yummylicious penang food hehe.

i miss mummy's home-cooked food. as simple as they appear to be but they are the best dishes in the world. mummy is the awesome-est when it comes to cooking :))

i miss my brother. he might make me get to my nerves sometimes, but still he is always the one to make me laugh / smile no matter what. he's the best. :)

my elder brother. he doesn't like to take pics. so he was giving me this cold stare when i was trying to take his pic. but he looks cool right ?? :)

i miss my sis. she's always the one who will bring me to bakery shops and buy me cakes. heehee.

the ones i miss most. daddy and mummy. oopsie i just realised daddy has a tummy :p

thanks for each and everyone of you who has been part of my life, for you are the reason for who i am right now.

no more time for emo-ing, for it's time to study. i shall mug all my way through easter hols!! exams , revisions here i come !! :))

oh i can't wait to go home. 2 more months and i'm back to my cosy, comfortable little home.

malaysia: i'll be back soon, wait for me! roti canai, nasi kandar, har mee, lobak, otak-otak, ikan panggang, curry mee, chee cheong fun, pasembur, cucur udang, char koay teow and all other awesome msian food, u're gonna go into my tummy soon :)

2010-03-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

it's good to see when people wants to fly.

it makes me wanna fly as well :)

great. i will slowly grow my wings. :p

sad.

2010-03-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

posted in the afternoon:

OMGness. i'm in such a bad mood now.

i just destroyed my lovely pot. i never believed i would have destroyed such a high quality pot.

i'm in utter despair right now. i seriously can't live without a pot .

EMO .. =((

i think i might be a sotong mutant with superpowers: the ultimate power to destroy. sigh.

EMO AGAIN.

i'm mad at myself.

posted at night:

ah. i just broke my desk chair. i'm seriously destructive today.

why oh why.

and later on:

guess what? carl cut his hand with a butter knife whilst talking to me. can a butter knife cut ur hand ? i wonder. but it did just now. i must be carrying bad luck today.

caution: stay away from me ... =(((

BUT tong shui treat from shi yunn and ice cream treat from chloe made my day :))) i feel loved :p

the little girl

2010-02-10T12:37:00.000-08:00

heart chants: i can't wait. i can't wait. i can't wait.

i can't wait for my parents to come on saturday. i can't wait to be their little girl once more.

2 more days to saturday. 3 more days to chinese new year! :)

oh yea, and 3 more days to valentine's day too ;)

i still miss the chinese new year celebrated with lots of hoo-has. :p

无题

2010-02-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

这个世界太乱，

于是，

你迷失了方向。

漫游在谣言与欺骗中，

你断然决定，

不再选择相信。

夜深，

你沉思、并不断反问自己，

我变了吗？

你的眼睛依然雪亮，

但你的心，

已不再相信所眼见。

你的心在呐喊、抓狂，

你的心已透支了，

我看得出，听得见。

我知道，

你在徘徊，

徘徊于现今与从前。

你懊恼了，

对于现在的处境，

你万般不解。

你是飘流在激流中的纸船，

使命向前但奈何，

你还是逃避不了自己将沉陷的命运。

对不起，

我没能保护你，

让你受委屈了。

请相信我，这只是人生的小插曲，一切将会雨过天晴。＝）

a daughter's wish

2010-02-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

how i wish i'm a strong pillar,

so that they can see me from far and reach out to me,

so that they can lean on me and never fall when they need me.

a strong pillar shall i be then. =)

*this post is just a random post, don't comment on this please*

insights

2010-01-19T17:47:00.001-08:00

it is yet another sleepless night. she was lying on the bed, trying to catch some sleep, so that she can save some energy for the lecture next day.

then, a pleasant thought came to her mind along with flashback of memories, she decided to get up from her bed and write about it before it fades away.

so it started with a trail of memories:

when she was 18, she attended the UWC interview. thanks for the interview for it broadened her horizons. for the first time, she felt inferior when she compared herself to other 'articulate' applicants. she sensed the need to change. she decided to reject the offer to study in a matriculation college in kedah.

when she knew she was rejected for the jpa scholarship, she cried so hard for 3 hours that her eyes were puffy ( just like a goldfish ). the rejection shattered her dreams to study overseas. she made up her mind to enrol in a college, just like the city folks did. dad never understand her intentions and dismissed her as materialistic (at that point of time) . mum understood her deepest desire and supported her decision. they looked up at a college called taylor's college, where it seems to be the place where the smart city people goes to study. they have to pay RM9500.00 for the first term semester fees. if there isn't the RM4500 from her mum and RM5000 from her sister, it wouldn't have changed her life.

she remembered how hard her mum has to work to fund her for college, how she cried and cried over the phone when she encountered hardship, how family love and support has been her main pillar of strength all this while. she feels grateful, and she awes at the thought of how her inner thoughts have changed her life. her will to change. her will to improve for the better. if she didn't feel inferior that time, she would be a contented student about to enrol in matriculation college. if she didn't have sufficient funding to study in taylor's, she wouldn't be here right now.

here she is, sitting on a bed in her halls in london. never imagined it to be possible. she is living out her dreams, and she feels thankful to the universe, to everyone, to every incident that occured. for if it were not for those incidents, she wouldn't have been here.

waking up from her pleasant thoughts, she realised that the past has contributed to the position she is right now. yet life goes on. she has to move on and cope with all the workload and stress. but she knows it is all worth by the end of the day. she knows she will never regret for the opportunity given to study in london. she is eager to learn more, in all aspects of life. she knows that 'life' will be a good tutor and with positive attitude, she will win her own gold medal in life, someday. she believes so.

her quote: keep on learning. never give up. be grateful always.

p.s.: she can't wait till 13th of feb. she misses mum and dad so so much. and brothers as well. oh gosh she is such a pampered child =)

merry 2010 !!

2010-01-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

so, 2010 is here!

MERRY 2010 PEOPLE

toast for a fantastic year ahead !!

not to say that i have a specific partiality towards a new year, nor 2010 is just indifferent compared to 2009. it is something quite the same, yet different. to me, it is definitely a new year, filled with expectations and hope.

it is yet again, another new year. a new year has made me realised that how much time i have wasted in the past on petty matters, contemplation and casting self-doubt when i should have moved forward. i have learned, not to regret on one's decision in the past, live with the present and plan for the future. life is short and i hope i can live life, exactly the way as i want it to be.

i am all geared up for a busy year ahead. i am not going to be smitten by the massive amount of study in imperial for i will plan my studies and enjoy life, at the same time. i have just realised that i have so many things i wish to achieve, and there is such little time! the saying that: life is about making dreams, and fulfilling it as you go along struck a chord in me. with the beginning of the new year, i will keep on making dreams, and realizing them as i move on in life.

no matter how busy, how hard, how tough life is, i shall fill it with joy, laughters and the FUN factor, because i love my life. welcome 2010 !!

i shall keep this simple and short. no more bogus crap. LOL.

to 2009: thanks for the bumpy ride. it is a life lesson well learnt.

to 2010 : for this year, i will laugh heartily and if i cry, may it be tears of joy.

*a big big grin on my face as i finish writing this*

p.s. : i have the strong urge of going madrid and barcelona lately, how? =D

p.p.s.: bao bei we're using the same template, coz i loved it once i saw it on ur blog, forgive me please for yes, i'm the bad copy cat =D

add-on: after i finished blogging, i went to the kitchen to get myself a cup of tea. and gosh, the tea tastes salty! i must have added salt to it rather than sugar and this is not the first time =( so adding one more to my new year resolution wishlist: no more yi ying's blurness syndrome ! i am serious weh. =)

s-n-o-w !

2009-12-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

ying and her favourite mickey

it snowed. =)

the terribly cold roommate.

2009-12-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

today, laura was telling me: we're a weird bunch of roommates u know, u with your extreme coldness, and hannah with her sleeping and laura ... da da da.

so, i'm extremely cold. but honestly, it is really warm inside. =D

ying is starting to love here.

re-lived.

2009-12-04T14:13:00.000-08:00

never knew time flies. counting the time left to graduation, there is still a mere 30 months left. question running in my mind: what am i to become after these 30 months?

ying has to look further. life doesn't stop here. move on. and work harder.

i'm trying to pick up bits and pieces of the shattered self of mine. cheers. life is always fruitful if you ever know how to see things from a different perspective. i'm so blessed. :)

p.s.: being kept busy with revision and essays has prevented me from blogging. sorry dearies. i promise i'll blog more often :D

the rose.

2009-11-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

she saw a rose,

the prettiest rose ever,

in the rose bush.

she loves the rose.

and the rose,

loved her in return,

for this was the first time someone appreciated the beauty of the rose.

overwhelmed by her love towards the rose,

she hopes that she would own the rose someday.

she tries to pluck the rose,

even though she knew the thorns would hurt her hands.

the thorns from the rose pricked her hands,

her hand and her heart bled.

the rose has changed its heart,

and used its thorns to defense against her,

it hurted her so much.

she walked away,

and hopes that the rose would look at her someday.

but the rose never did.

silly girl she is,

for she still cares for the rose.

倔强就是我

2009-10-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

当我和世界不一样那就让我不一样

坚持对我来说就是以刚克刚

我如果对自己妥协如果对自己说谎

即使别人原谅我也不能原谅

最美的愿望一定最疯狂

我就是我自己的神在我活的地方

我和我最后的倔强握紧双手绝对不放

下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望

我和我骄傲的倔强我在风中大声的唱

这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强

对爱我的人别紧张我的固执很善良

我的手越肮脏眼神越是发光

你不在乎我的过往看到了我的翅膀

你说被火烧过才能出现凤凰

逆风的方向更适合飞翔

我不怕千万人阻挡只怕自己投降

我和我最后的倔强握紧双手绝对不放

下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望

我和我骄傲的倔强我在风中大声的唱

这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强

就这一次让我大声唱

lalalala...

就算失望不能绝望...

lalalalala...

就这一次我和我的倔强

有点想家了。这个星期好忙哦，时间太少了，要做的东西太多了，还好有五月天陪着我。要加油了！

mr. wu at chinatown

2009-10-08T15:12:00.000-07:00

so .. i went to chinatown today with my hall mates !! it's a buffet restaurant called mr. wu. costed 4 pounds for a buffet. food is actually not that good, but i went there coz i was real curious, wanted to try the legendary crispy seaweed and prawn toast ( which claims to be served at chinese buffet restaurants but actually it isn't chinese food!! but can't find any. speaking of disappointments. argh.) so we took a bus to get there, and boarded a tube to get back. i'll just cut short on details coz i know pictures says more than words .

my part of food. it wasn't that nice so i just ate a portion despite it is a buffet. i'll eat more if i'm back in malaysia, penang's eastern and oriental hotel. :p

all of my hallmates who went there :p

and the favourite of the day is :

chinese tea ( i got a big pot !!! big big pot and the tea is super nice !! has the homey feeling to it) and kikkoman soya sauce *big big grin on her face*

despite the lousy/ ok food, the mr. wu is okay actually for i get to drink real pure chinese tea .

recipe testing, which turns out to be a party

2009-10-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

this is a story of yesterday.

i was running a risk of grocery shortage ( had been surviving on jam, bread and milo for the past week and i'm really sick of it ) so i decided to go to the BIG sainsbury to do serious grocery shopping. the initial plan was to go with my roomies, laura and hannah. i finished lecture at 1, so i headed back to bernard sunley hall (BSH)

1.30 pm: reached BSH. texted laura. starts waiting.

2.30pm: she's not back yet. so i planned to go myself and be back real quick. started walking. along the road, met zie wearn and zhi xiong, they just bought their groceries from tesco express. bade hi and continues walking. it was raining.

3.00pm: reached sainsbury !! it was like my life saver for they have all the food and utilities that i need to cook !!! was super excited and shopped around. i planned to buy a lot for i really can't stand the taste of bread, jam and milo for 3 meals anymore. and guess what ? i met zie wearn and zhi xiong AGAIN!! and so we decided to take a cab back to evelyn gardens. ( which i think is really worth the money for i am buying A LOT )

so i shopped for: oil, rice, pennes ( a type of pasta ), baked beans, tuna, mayo, salt, vege, onions, garlic, potato, sugar, ham, eggs, butter, crisps, cheese, chicken fillets, tea towels, saucepan, frying pan, chopping board, food storage container, box to store clothes (since my cupboard doesn't have any compartments, just the bar for hangers), can opener. these are things i need to survive for the next 2 weeks, i'm just super excited with the idea of not having any more bread and jam for the next 2 weeks. =D

4.00pm : finished shopping! so headed back with a cab. it was 6.80 pounds for the trip, and so 2.30 pounds for each. which is real worthy coz i really bought A LOT.

this saturday my hall is having an international food fair, where everyone cooks something from their country, something like potluck. it was zie wearn's birthday and he is planning to fry some rice, so i cooked what i plan to cook for my hall mates this saturday, curry chicken (from mum's recipe, this is the awesome-est thing i have from her) to go along with the fried rice.

this is what we had for the dinner :

fried rice, curry chicken, fried pork chop ( i did the curry chicken and pile of meat on the plate )

curry chicken upon closer view. the gravy actually was sucked up by the potatoes. so it's real thick and turned to mashed curry potato. but nonetheless it still tastes good !! thanks mum!!

so later, more people are calling and wanted to turn up to celebrate zie wearn's birthday. so i cooked an additional dish which was everyone's favourite i think. baked beans with eggs. real easy.

tomyam by shi yunn which tastes like home =D

so this is what we had for dinner, later, there is celebration of zie wearn's birthday .

shi yunn cooking for the 2nd round dinner, when more malaysians starts to crowd the kitchen.

2nd round. the cupcakes were actually the "birthday cakes"

zie wearn with his cake

the birthday cakes. =D

and so, the party starts ! pictures of people ( malaysian folks of imperial )

wern chia and pie

jyi, hui pin and yee chinn

guys =D

big group picture of guys

big group picture of gals

as of you who are wondering what kind of room i'm staying, so here's a peek of it :

my bed, with cards, and my dearest niu.

my room, my corner. there's a study table which is kinda large next to the bed.

so this is part of my triple room for which i pay 67.66 pounds per week. which is real cheap around south kensington for this is a posh area. do u know that rowan atkinson aka mr. bean lives in the same garden as i do? shi yunn saw him at sainsbury. XD

and i do miss malaysian food. i need more recipes.

if you miss me and want to mail me food / cards, please send it to this address:

YI YING LAW

4429, 40-44 Bernard Sunley Hall,

Evelyn Gardens,

London SW7 3BB

United Kingdom.

hello from london !!

2009-10-05T14:55:00.000-07:00

hi and hi to all , i'm finally in london!! i was on a flight on 30th sep, reached heathrow on 1st of oct, and now i'm here blogging !!

time flies, don't they ?

well, london has offered me an exciting experience i would say, i'm currently residing in bernard sunley hall, which its residents are very much privileged to live in one of the smallest halls in imperial coz there will be much more social interaction among us!! phew. that was a long sentence. but you get what i mean, don't ya ?

oh by the way, you do want highlights of the moments don't you ? that's why you're still reading this !!

well, i was at irene aunty's place from 1st of oct - 3rd of oct, it was a pleasant stay at her place, for she brought me around london to settle most of the stuffs, buying duvet covers, getting mobile phone number, and asking jake to bring us around imperial. jake was a student in imperial, so he brought us around, travelling at night after his work, walked around imperial, from south kensington station to bernard sunley hall, and from bernard sunley hall to imperial !! and later we did the same for jia ling's place too. they are really really super duper nice people, among the nicest you would have meet in london i would say. i really do owe them a big THANK YOU.

on 3rd of october, i moved in to bernard sunley hall, and had a boat party on thames river. it was more on alcohols and dancing and talking, which i don't find myself quite fit into these kind of scenarios. so i just enjoyed myself on the boat, looking around. it's kinda hard to find yourself cruising on a boat along a river for 5 hours if you're a tourist don't you ? so i enjoyed the opportunity, which makes up for the non-talking.

and yes, today !! 5th of october, i'm actually just back from ice skating !! it's my first time ice skating, we were at the queen's bowling and skating rink. and oh man, i fall 5 times !! which quoting them ( those who skated before ) , i'm quite good at it. so .. perhaps more credits for me for not falling 13 times which a girl told me she did on her first time. i'm lucky i guess.

well, tomorrow is fresher's fair, and i'll get to look around for clubs to join. it is said that it will rain tomorrow, so let's see how it goes. i'm hoping for a sunny day though :)

p.s. : i'm gonna get sore bums. ouch !! =D

椰子糖

2009-09-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

明天，是我的婆婆的生忌。于是，刚去张罗要拜祭的东西。我们都在买她喜欢吃的食物。在卖糕的档口，看到了久违的椰子糖。

让我告诉你，椰子糖的故事：

每一次去婆婆家时，她都会问我：“吃饱了吗？要留下来吃么？”那时超现实的我，看了看她桌上的菜好像不怎么吸引人，婆婆也好像吃得不够的感觉，所以每次都会拒绝留下吃饭。而在每一次拒绝了之后，她都会说：“那你等等。”接着，慢慢走到冰箱，掏出几颗椰子糖，说送给我吃。所以每一次从婆婆家回来，我的口里都会含着椰子糖。

婆婆的椰子糖，都是不新鲜的，那糖老黏着糖纸，要费不少力气才能把糖果吃进嘴巴。那时总想：为什么糖果这样的？但我天生爱吃糖，所以也不怎么嫌弃，都吃得津津乐道。每次去婆婆家，都会很高兴地期待椰子糖，直到长大了以后，婆婆看我长大了，也不再给我椰子糖了。

自小，我就不太擅长和婆婆沟通（我比较亲外婆），每次见她，都是聊些客套话，每次都会问问我的学业（小时的我，不美丽也不可爱，让我比较引以为荣的，就是我的成绩了）。所以，我对婆婆的印象，一直都很模糊。那时的我认为她都好像比较疼惜我的堂哥堂姐们：堂哥是长孙，堂姐们家境比较富有。那时的我总觉得她是那种老潮州的思想，而感觉失宠的我，也从不尝试去了解我的婆婆。

直到今天，婆婆去世以后，今天我看到了椰子糖给我的启示。原来关心、疼爱，一切都尽在一颗颗椰子糖里。

sin yin

2009-09-10T06:19:00.000-07:00

*drum rolls* proudly introducing to you my high school twin, bao bei sin yin!! =D

so, sin yin is leaving for india . to embark upon her journey, a new challenge, towards becoming a professional and dedicated doctor, which i believe SHE WILL.

for the past 7 years, she is someone whom i have always talked to and joked to. someone who reads my thoughts and understands them without fail. someone whom i have shared sooo much of personal stuffs with. someone i will and always turn to either when i'm emo, happy, sad, bored or anything. gosh i seriously gonna miss her soo much. ><

all the best to you, sin yin dear !! gosh i am seriously missing you already. X)

my high school essay

2009-08-31T06:34:00.001-07:00

so.. HAPPY MERDEKA people !! i did nothing much today, but i started packing up for UK !! ( but i did very little, seriously )

when i was packing, i saw one of my exercise books during my high school year that looks like this :

see my name ? and the subject teacher is mr. samuel. gosh i miss his jokes. A LOT.

so inside the book, there's an essay entitled : write an essay about a famous person you have met. the essay is way too long-winded hence i shall extract only the juicy parts.

oh , it is a story of me bumping into jay chou at a shopping mall with his body guards, and the story follows..

here is the part which i would like to share with:

...

as i was gazing at him, thinking that i am so lucky to meet with him, suddenly, he ran out of my sight. i was shocked. i rushed forward and found that he was kneeling down to pick up a can which dropped on the floor. i gasped. what an environmental lover he is ! when he was getting up, a kid holding a cup of beverage suddenly knocked into him. the beverage which turns out to be coffee spilled on his shirt. oh my God ! i thought he was going to be angry, but in fact he bent down to check whether the kid was hurt and forgave him. he is really a good guy.

kua-jiong rite ? yi ying laughs to death. X)

one of my favourite high school pics during form 5

( poh hsing, soo hui, adeline, and me )

enjoy this, people ! =)

make hay while the sun shines

gather ye rosebuds

for time and tide wait for no one.

jumbled thoughts.

2009-08-13T08:41:00.001-07:00

i have mixed feelings right now.

i think i lost grip on myself. or i'm just emo.

or perhaps i need a break after those hectic weeks ( including this and the next week & the previous weeks ).

i think i'm worried about going rembau.

i think i'm thinking too much. thanks to TTMS and you-know-who who influenced me with it.but i dun blame u for that! X)

i think i shall stop thinking and head off to sleep.

goodnite to the world. tomorrow will be a better day.

Something to share with before i put an end to this topic :

The strongest oak must fall

The sweet things in life

To you were just loaned
So how can you lose
What you've never owned

so true isn't it ?

i think i am thinking too much again for tonight. good night everyone.

p.s. : i dunno why but i hate fb recently for it's high publicity. i shall quit fb-ing for the time being.

Cheers of Joy, Joy and Joy

2009-07-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

It has been 3 weeks since the JPA officer called and said I'm offered the Ivy League and Equivalent Universities Scholarship. That's when happiness made an entrance into my life again. I was aroused with the feeling of satisfaction for being able to get something that I wanted so so much. With 90% luck and 10% effort, I manage to get it anyway, after lots of twist and turns. I am so lucky after all !! I do believe in the saying: if you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it, and it has been proven to be true for me till now. So the big truth here is : I am going UK after all !!! Well, after all those misguidance on NUS , ASEAN, finally.. I am back on the right track.

I am soooo looking forward to October, when my new sem starts. =)

Also, frustration is kicking in : My pack from JPA hasn't arrived yet, and it has been 2 weeks since the officer promised to send me the pack with information in it. I need the pack to proceed with the things I need to do to settle down in UK. It is very very IMPORTANT to me. She said she sent last Thursday *finally* via courier, and till now there is still no signs of ANYTHING. I was anticipating so much since Friday, and now I am frustrated. This is one of those hateful moments when I realised that I do freak out on small matters. My kia-su-ness has revealed itself unknowingly. Well, I hope my pack will arrive real soon so that I can quit this bad kia-su demeanour, which is bad for health cause I can't stop thinking, worrying and wondering what happened to my dear pack, coz poslaju usually don't take such a long time to reach the recipient.

Well, what I can do for now is just hope, hope and hope, hoping that it'll arrive tomorrow, if not, further actions will be taken by yours truly, coz she really needs her pack, the pack is like her LIFE and she'll take all costs to get it =)

I am babbling and I think I am going nuts. Extreme happiness and excessive worries are both taking their tolls on me. Help help help .

Yet, apart from those miseries, there is always a but : I am really very happy and grateful for getting to go to Imperial, I can't believe how lucky I am. =)

trust me, kids don't lie Xp

2009-06-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

haha yea, the title says it all . the argument of the day : have i got any fatter ?

what happened was, i have been eating incessantly . ohmygawd. haha yea, it's the fear of having no good food in s'pore that drives me to eat so much, and who can reject the tempations of penang local food? geez. so all my efforts to slim down for the past 6 months went off. i gained weight, which is not much to my surprise, coz i have been eating a lot. trust me. haha.

so since i am working in a kindergarten, i made up my mind to ask the kids whether have i got any fatter. *trust me, kids do tell the truth k? *

me : did jie jie got any fatter ??
them : no la jie jie, i think u're slim.
me: *chuckles happily* hahaha.

see, kids tell the truth despite the fact that my clothes have been getting tighter. i do believe they tell the truth.

call this self deception, which i am proud to claim of. haha. and don't ask me to cut down my food consumption. i am seriously gonna miss penang food very very much !!

tell me kids do tell the truth, right ? XD

yes this is lame. hehe. =))

rejoice first, think later .

2009-06-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

there's some news to rejoice : i have secured an ASEAN scholarship to study Chem. Eng. at NUS =)

sounds funny but i wanna be a deep thinker for the time being. help me pls lim yvonne. =p

i just turned 20

2009-05-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

.TURNING 20 .

hey i turned 20 a few days ago. i wonder how time flies. it has been 1/5 decade i live in this world, amazing ain't it ? i really can't believe i have survived the 2o years.

turning 20 means a lot to me, which is inexplicable.i believe perserverance will lead and guide me through days ahead.

thanks to those who remembered. love u guys ;)

disappointment

2009-05-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

i have received an offer from NUS . finally . well, i'm not so sure whether it's good news or bad, but ... it's chemical engineering !!! my 2nd option to be exact. it was kinda gratifying since they gave me an offer, but i feel sad coz i'm not accepted for the medicine course, the one i am always expecting, i guess sometimes it's hard to get things that you REALLY want, life can't be always smooth, but to console myself, i shall say : everything happens for a reason. geez, that sounds much better, ain't it ? rather than the self pitying version. but i'm really pissed. i did made an effort to prepare for the interview, and i was even turned down before the interview !! i shall apply those skills in later time. it's their loss i tell u .

and now, i am having a hard time too. having to choose between chemical engineering and pharmacology. i don't really quite know how would i have ended up in such situation, but really , sometimes things just happen when we least expect it. SURPRISE !!! that gives a jolt and probably some twist and turns in my life perhaps .

well, i'm turning 20. i should have handle this situation in a much more mature way. so probably i should quit venting on blog and turn to look for more practical solutions. and at the meantime, remaining happy and wishful seems so hard for me. i'm feeling disappointed .

well, not much to worry, i'll grieve and move on. i'll be fine , i just need some time.

LOST and FOUND

2009-04-18T07:23:00.001-07:00

after much wallowing in self-search, finally i have made up my mind. if, by luck or by chances, i am accepted by NUS to study medicine, i'll be going NUS. * cheers for me for finally making up such an arduous decision * hip-hip-hurray! =D

it is not an easy decision to make, since both seems luring and temptative to me hahaa. but in my hearts of hearts, my wish still tends towards becoming a doctor. weird eh ?? ain't it ? after so much twist and turns, finally i believe : i would live happiest as a doctor, after all. imperial college might be some branded clothes that doesn't fit me, that's the way i would like to describe it.

hence, i'm seriously counting on my application to NUS. my application is still processing, hence i am quite worried. ME ME The WORRIER !!! gosh here i am again, WORRIED for nothing. i would like to crack my head and tell the brain : wake up my dear yi ying , there's nothing to worry =p

there's a saying : if you want something , the whole universe conspires to help you to get it. i hope it turned out to be true for me too . =)

i'll be waiting with hope.

the wings of hope

2009-03-27T07:13:00.001-07:00

the wings of hope . yes, it harbours my dreams and all my future that counts on it.

it shall not be tempered nor wavered by adverse conditions. it shall abstain and remain strong, faithfully.

it shall remain modest and true, never tempted easily.

i shall never let it fly away, even if i'm grasping on the last straws.

yonder wings of hope of mine, i promise i'll let you fly high some day. i promise.

scribblings

2009-03-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

my mind has been complicated . REAL REAL complicated.

i'm worrying about things that I AM NOT SUPPOSED to worry at this moment. duh, i think i'm just pretending to be such a miserable fool, hahahaha. anyway, life has been GOOD minus the troubles and worries, maybe i should look more towards the positive side of life. yea, i should have. =))

i went back to school today, hrmm .. seems like school is just doing fine without me. sorry but i can't help being a bit narcissistic, oopsie !! school hasn't changed much, just for some newly added facilities, and there are the teachers who can still remember u. which reminds me of the good, old yi ying that i used to know. the super duper crazy one, haha. and the best friends gang .and the days i had in school were total happiness. how i miss those . =p

well, there is one thing that made my heart shivers. the spouse of my guitar teacher was injured during her trip to australia. it was injury on her spinal bone. guess she her neck was knocked against the rocks during her boat trip. and her husband, which is my guitar teacher, has to stay with her to proceed with her operation at australia. they extended their date of return home. it is out of the blue, and the news shocked everyone. life is full of uncertainties, i should have appreciated what i have now and work hard on it. i'll keep my fingers crossed for them. i hope they will be okay. =)

ah ignore me, i'm just emo.

ang gu and mi gu

2009-03-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

this happens this morning , to me.

venue : kota permai wet market
time : 7+ am

this morning, after our routinely shopping at kota permai wet market ( me and my mum ) , my mum was asking me to buy her breakfast as usual . so, we headed to a stall selling kuih.

mum : ying , get me the ang gu . ( the one wif the tortoise and bean paste inside )

ying : okay. boss, giv me the ang gu . i want two .

i pointed to the mi gu , the oval one , and think that's the ang gu , but he definitely has no affinity towards me coz he's not responding. so i repeated, yet, no respond. so i quit asking him and headed to another stall who sells kuih, then again, i pointed to the mi gu and asked for the ang gu. and the person gave me mi gu . 2 big BIJI of mi gu. and i showed my mum proudly the mi gus. by that time, she already bought the ang gu at another stall . she has no suspicion towards the mi gu at all.

when i wen t to the car , only i realised, oh god !! that's mi gu !! it's not ang gu !!! and i got 2 mi gu for my lunch and my dinner. this is ultimate blurness . so so yi ying.

18SG

2009-02-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

shoot. damn. pig. pig. pig. pig. pig .

duh. who cares ?

the lesson learnt from here : girls must not curse. it's impolite. my temper has worsen, it's bad. i seriously need cure.

SOS .... =.=

note of thanks

2009-02-09T07:23:00.000-08:00

hey, here's some good news to share with : i have been offered a place from imperial college to study pharmacology !! ranked 6th by THES , it's the place i have always dreamt to be, seriously.

special thanks to my mum , for rendering me her utmost support to aid me in getting through all the low rise and high tides of my life. the feeling of gratitude i have for you can't be simply uttered by words, seriously you gave me the best you can. i love you , mum.

special thanks to my life time buddy #1 : bao bei sin yin, for all the phone calls, jia you jia you text messages and all the subang jaya outings we had throughout this 1 and half year. thanks for lending me your ears whilst i vent, you made me feel very very good everytime, hehe. your presence, resembles much of home to me, makes me feel a bit normal, balanced my hormones after all ( haha. ) hart you very very much darling bei bei =)

special thanks to BFF yvonne : for sitting right beside me for 1 and half year, going through all the TTMS sessions, crappy talks, makan sessions ( i miss Cassamia and Miss Fruit Juice a lot ) , lectures and all the UCAS stuffs, Cambridge mock interviews, actual interviews, BMAT exam, Cambridge TSA and many many other stuffs we had together. hehe, thanks for playing the part as my 2nd brain( to help me in thinking stuffs when my brain just can't seem to work ) , as my personal interpreter when people don't seem to get what i'm saying and for teaching me many many things. i couldn't have survived college without you after all, thanks darling .

special thanks to BFF kath : for making mr. george more cute and lovable for semester 3, and for the gossiping sessions we had, for the HOT magazines i read ( i start to miss them now, haha ) , for the fun time we had in your room to help me relieve my stress and tension and for always cheering me up. my mum says you're a joker, and i believed it too, you seriously indoctrinated much of the fun factor into my college life, hahahaha, don't cry yea kath ? thankiu very much .

special thanks to BFF jul : for all the makan nice nice food sessions we had together, for all the care you gave throughout this one and half year, for all the jokes and laughter you brought us, sometimes i think i should have shared more of my life with you , thanks jul.

special thanks to PM 16 : for being nice-nice collegemates , and for being together-gether for this 1 and half year. =))

special thanks to taylor's lecturers : for helping me in getting the grades that i wished for and for all the guidance they gave.

special thanks to jia yen and ah wei : for being supportive always. yen, thanks a lot for sticking wif me throughout the 1st year in college. you're another 1 who reminds me of home, heehee. thanks for being my vent pot and helped me in getting through my emotional ups and downs , haha. terima kasih banyak banyak yen !!

speical thanks to wayne and cia : for helping me in making my decision of going to imperial, both of you are seriously great people that i have ever met. wayne, thanks for showing such great spirit of never giving up even when the future is full of uncertainty. it has reassured me that going there is the best option i can ever have.

thanks to everyone and every incident which came along . i believe everything happens for a reason =)))

random

2009-01-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

what yi ying says to herself :

wat i did was just at the passing mark level, i must perform till the max. =))
jia you jia you !!

what yi ying is doing right now :

keeping and eye on grandma who is insomniac at this hour + blogging ( coz she insists me on doing something and leave her alone )

what yi ying is going to do soon :

pack up and get ready for phuket

what yi ying was doing previously :

eat eat eat and performing her role excellently as a couch potato

what yi ying plans to do after new year :

get a guitar, learn drawing and learn driving

what yi ying wishes everybody :

happy new year !! gong xi gong xi !!

p.s.: have to admit that i was just being random. too many things i wanted to write and i considered summarising as a better option . I guess that's why we learn rumusan in PMR ?? haha .

my dear january

2009-01-21T06:41:00.000-08:00

hey , sorry for my long gone update but they're coming up rite now !!!

i had a fabulous month . it was a month crammed with many many incidents, getting tense and pressure every week i would so daresay , haha. it started with the release of results from cambridge. they're supposed to release the results by 2nd of jan by any means , and st. johns college, the college i'm applying to told me that they're going to notify the applicants of their decision via letter , so it took the letter 10 days to reach my house. 10th of jan. i happily got the letter , opened it and there was slight disappointment and slight happiness. i got into winter pool !!! so .. it's not a bad thing , since i'm not totally rejected but they're giving me a 2nd chance if other colleges wants me . so .. i have the chance of being re-admitted after all !! that was the bright side of the story. so here is the disappointment followed by a tinny-winny bit of hope i'm still clinging onto.

i anxiously anticipated my letter from cambridge, checking my UCAS status daily to see if they are any changes . to my disappointment , there are none .

last week. 17/1 . i received rejection letter from cambridge. finally. they told me that my application was unsucessful. it was a sad moment, yet i understood that chances to get into cambridge was slim. i accepted it. so .. there were days of me being sad and moody . hahaa.

21/1 . i received my CIE A levels result !!! and it's just right at the level of satisfactory. haha. good . so gone were the feelings of emptiness and moodiness . hehe .

oh ya yi ying is back again, re-lived once more. =)))

dear friend.

2008-12-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

i don't know how far i reached
i don't know how far i'm away
i'm lost i'm lost .

the further i went
the longer i'm away
the bigger the gap there is between us.

the times that we used to cherish
laughter, tears and joy
became past memories .

i hate myself so
for not being by your side to share all ur sorrow and joy
and now this is what became of our friendship
frozen.

ice shall melt
fire shall be rekindled
no matter what happens
you will always be in my heart , always .

2008-12-04T07:07:00.000-08:00

hey , here's a peep into my life ever since i finished a-levels :

i enjoyed holidays in penang for 3 days 2 nites wif kath and vonne ( too bad can't meet wif jul ) ate until we bloated =)

then, i attended financial planning course for 4 days , which was kinda interesting but mainly boring ,in general , still okay , not bad

then for the rest of the day i woke up at 6.50, reach kindergarten at 7.30 and started to work until 7.30 . it is tiring but quite fun =)

and i got my BMAT results today, i think i got more than what i expected for, it's pure luck, and i hope to hear some good news from imperial soon =)

pray pray pray .. =)

worried.

2008-11-14T19:00:00.001-08:00

i have to admit i worry for everything. i'm not that kind of really optimistic person, but i'm trying to be. it's kinda successful at times, but now it just failed. i just can't stop worrying and can't put that thought away from my head. bah !! what worries me now is that i haven't even heard any reply from the universities. whereas b.s. got 3 of 'em .. ( congratulations my b.s. !!! i'm happy for u !!! <3 ) i'm not sure whether it's worth worrying, coz definitely b.s.'s result is better than mine, hehe. =))

i am starting to judge myself : have i made the wrong decision ?? was it ever wrong to pick up on a course which has only 20+ intake for a year? no. i didn't make any mistake this time. perhaps this a test for me, what started and what i picked wasn't easy. i just hope, i just really really hope i would hear reply from university as soon as possible perhaps ?? seriously , this waiting thing is daunting me, testing my patience. i hate it . =p

haha. i feel good now. i'll be keeping my fingers crossed to hear from cambridge, imperial, edinburgh, king's college, and bath as soon as possible. hope the reply i hear from them won't let me down. ying is praying hard, seriously . =))))

2008-11-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

weee ~~~

i'm done wif 6 papers , finished 75% of my A2 final exams !! 25% more to go , and i'm off my hands on a-levels syllabus =)))))

these few weeks, i'm not quite sure what i lived for , exams perhaps ?? BMAT , TSA , A-levels , finishing them off one by one, unloading my burdens , now and finally, it's coming to and end. next week, i'm going bac penang, i'll be staying there for at leats 10 months before heading wherever i'm supposed to go.

coming to think of tat , i think ten months is really short. i'm gonna spend lots and lots of time with my family before time really goes out. oh ya of coz wif my frens too !! haven't been seeing them for ages, me kinda miss them . =*** hehe .

and following months would be busy, i think i would be working, and meanwhile , anxiously anticipating to hear news from respective universities for my application . i hope competition is not too tough , but for every 7 applicant, only 1 gets a place, is it hard to get in ?? especially me being an international student ?? anyways , i shall cross my fingers and pray for the best !! =))))

the journey is coming to an end. and a new one is yet to begin .

over-optimistic and totally clueless .

2008-10-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

yes. i had my interview on hour 0930 - 1000, and i emo-ed till now, hour 0306 which is flashed on my computer screen.

my feelings rite now ? numb i guess. i was stunned, shocked, and panicked after tat . even tho i laughed and laughed and laughed during the interview session. ( laughter is my secret weapon =) ) well ... i have to say that i was totally underprepared. my first hand information told me that my interviewer is the director of studies in christ college, but who the hell knows that he's actually teaching chemistry ??????? all the while , i had been preparing myself to read science articles, thinking of being asked on general knowledge, but who knows he teaches chemistry ??? yeayea , blame me for being too naive and believing in all that.

when i first stepped in , i was asked to draw math graphs , later , i was bombarded with the science questions and one of the weirdest u might think of , what is the total number of cells in the body ? muahahhahaa. and why are we not silicon people ?? we are in the group 4 element , carbon people , and since they have same chemical reactions , why are we not called silicon people ?? weird. haha . but i managed to answer those .

but as to the basics , i failed completely . i forgotten all my basics !! i was too engrossed in preparing myself in the general knowledge part, preparing to get some questions on ... what's ur view on .... ??? but in the end, i got math and science questions. too sad. too bad. what shall i say ? it all depends on luck. not everyone gets into cambridge, no matter how hard u try, how smart you are , it all depends on ur performance during that crucial moment.

i shall try harder for my tsa . =)

weirdo. additional post winks

2008-10-22T01:45:00.000-07:00

well , the previous post published was kinda weird. but i'm trying to vent out my feelings, guess it didn't work. i shall try harder again next time perhaps?? hehe.

ok . here's a conversation between me and a ( mark the word i'm about to use ) stereotypist :

i was in a photocopy shop , having a chat with the aunty .
the photocopy shop is currently under a miniscule renovation , so i was asking about the shop

( the conversation below is in chinese- direct translation from chinese )
me: aunty, u're having renovation ah ??
aunty : yea , we're planning to move the computers to here. so that the counter won't be so packed with people in the morning .
me : oh i c. ( i kept quiet for a moment )
aunty : but u can see it later, u're now having AS exams rite ?
me : oh no aunty , i'm having A2 now.
aunty : so what are u going to study later ??
me : oh . pharmacology . produce drugs d ( well , pharmacology is not actually the production of drugs, but to help people understand it , i just made a generalisation )
aunty : oh , quite good hor, here u can't find this degree .

then ... here comes the uncle ( who overheard our conversation ) .

( the conversation below is in english. )
uncle : what are u studying gal ?
me : pharmacology.
uncle : PHARMATOLOGY ?
me : yea. ( i know i'm bad but i just don't bother to correct him )
uncle : then where are u going ?
me : UK perhaps .
uncle : oh , then u have to start to SPEAK ENGLISH !!! u know , there aren't a lot of chinese over there .

i was thinking ( uncle , aren't we conversing in english at this moment , right now ?? what does he mean like tat ?? i chose to speak watever language which is more preferable to me, it's my rights rite ? )
but i replied him this way ..

me : oh .. i dun think it would be a problem .
uncle : u know , BROKEN ENGLISH is not accepted there and there are not many chinese people around , how are u going to mix with people like tat ? ( i believe he's making an assumption that when chinese ed students speak english , it's all BROKEN. )
i just smiled and smiled .what more can i say ??

uncle , please don't stereotype people for speaking chinese. i can speak in two languages, but i prefer chinese coz it makes me feel closer to my roots. I love chinese culture. i don't abuse it. i speak chinese coz i'm proud of it. k ?? and i have confidence in myself that me speaking english won't be a problem in the near future. all the while , i've conversed with u in english and i believe the version u heard is the proper one. please don't stereotype me just because i prefer to speak chinese.

well . perhaps i was a bit too sensitive as well . u can ignore me if u feel so. =p

i need a break

2008-10-22T01:19:00.000-07:00

stupid. i just finished paper 3and4 for maths !! i have 3 more subjects to go.

well, my mind is very crumpled up rite now. I have an interview on friday, assessment test on saturday and here i am, blogging ? hey, i need a break.

yes . yiying needs a break . =p

谁能了？谁能了？

2008-08-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

谁能了？谁能了？
我迷失了，在丛林中，
是在利欲的森林里吗？
还是在内心深处，
心底的藤蔓把自己攀住了，
我逃不了。

四处摸索，
世界太险恶，
森林阴森森，
乌云弥漫天际，
森林，藤蔓的绿，
绿得阴森，绿得恐怖，
乌云的黑，让我看不着五指，
继续摸索。

我期待看见阳光普照的大地。

谁能了？谁能了？

独行丛林，
古怪的声音萦绕耳际，
把我逼风了，
心底的咆哮，
我尝试逃走，
但我被拌住，跑不了。

我受不了，
想大声呐喊，
声带发出的声音，
竟是那么地尖，那么地锐，
那么地凉。
悲泣的声音，
使我不寒而栗，
我知道，我迷失了自己。

谁能了？谁能了？

我真的很累了，
透支了，
我不想做垂死的挣扎，
我只想离开。

终于，
我用着最后的力气，
奋力向前，
阵阵暖流泉入心脉，
我大步迈开，
向前奔跑，
就算精疲力竭，
我志向依在，
我不愿继续腐烂，
我知道，路在前方。

2008-07-28T02:05:00.000-07:00

i'm tired . i'm lazy .

ahhhhh ~~~ screams !!! oh god . A2 is so god-dxxn hard !!

nah .. just dun wanna do anything .

my taiwan trip

2008-06-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

2008-05-05T02:02:00.000-07:00

oh god . it's May !!!!!!

haha .. well ... there are lots of stuffs happening around May ...
to me , May equals :

1. AS actual . ( god. i'm gonna whack myself wif pillow . still blogging now ??? !! haha . nvm . not gonna kill anyway )

2. Mother's day ( which is one day before my AS , oh gosh , i'm not going to celebrate mother's day wif mummy this year , and i haven't got her a present - but i know what to get her =) , mummy sorry , i love u =* )

3. * trumpet blows * somebody's birthday !!! hahhahaha!! to make it a little bit more obvious , it's my birthday , haha . a lil' bit beh pai seh here , coz no one's gonna look on my blog anyway , i dun care =) . haha . oh yea . it's bad oso . coz i'm no longer a "flower" anymore ( girls at the age of 18 are flowers, haven't u heard before ? ) but after 18 , they never said wat u are . i guess would be grass / fertiliser . lol . anyway , it's gonna be common . just like anyday of my life, coz it's during exam period . can't celebrate oso . just wish myself happy b'day ba .

and seriously , actuals is killing me . softly , tenderly , stretching it's claws on me . ( sounds like a cat rite ?? i hate cats . due to mr. hari's influence , haha . ) so , that concludes i hate actuals as much as i hate cats . ( thinking skills application ?? i think i'm gonna go crazy wif strenghtening arguments , flaws , identifying conclusions and arithmethic questions . it's my weak spot weih .. ) haha .. * pathethic laughs *

oh yea . i'm gonna stop crapping . =)

to mention about sth which i dun wish to have as foreword for my blog , i just realised i have been blogging very consistently u know , it's 1 post per month !! haha . good . good for lazy people like me who always finds dozens of excuses not to blog , i guess my blog is just well-maintained . haha . rite ??? ans : yes !!! it's well maintained with consistent blogs ! ( ignore me , i syok-ING sendiri )

yi ying loves everyone who reads her blog ,
thanks .

great morning tempted me to do this =)

2008-04-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

seriously , today's just the same as any of other days , the morning is still the same as any other morning, but ... i just simply love to write something this morning , geez .

haha . i'll be going bac on monday , this means my trip bac to penang is coming to an end . oho !! my homesickness was cured, i got fully recharged , and ... i've been happy all this while =) hahaa . good for me .

so called 'holiday' is ending ,what awaits will be something great, rite ?? it's my As final coming soon , and i wanna get into a good university !!! tat's wat i am hoping , praying very very very much . yaya .. work hard , and it'll come gradually . dun worry . anything other than getting good results would be out of my control, rite ?? just study study study , pretend tat i dun hav a life this moment , haha . sounds pathetic , but we dun hav a choice i guess ?? rite ??

haha .. just go for it !! for everyone of us who have our dreams =) jia you jia you !!

well .... a great morning tempted me to write this , haha .

new year !! thailand !!

2008-02-22T19:16:00.000-08:00

promised kath to get some new updates on my blog ..

okay , sorry , i had been lazy all this while , to be honest , blogging just don't suit me too well ..

1st . i'm not english proficient

2nd. i'm a lazy person

3rd. i get "tongue-tied" when i'm facing my monitor, too much to say , too much to blog, what shall i start with ??

haha .. back to the topic.

okay , lunar new year just passed , and i had a great holiday !! the only part i regret / condemn is it's just way too short !! hey taylor's ... give me more holidays pls ..

btw, it's over, pointless to argue wif the admission office ..

ha. and .. this is sth that never ever happened in my family history ...

we went thailand on the 1st day of chinese new year !! spent 3 days there , it's a very "family moment" and i loved it very much ..

mum said : she wants to spend more times with her children , considering the fact that a few years later we won't be by her side , sis is gonna get married anyway, er kor is settling down at taiwan , the year after next heaven knows where would i be , so this is the 1st time we skipped d tradition .

1st day , went songkhla + hattyai( it's just a small town, anyway ) , not bad , went to c d mermaid statue ( but the tour guide din tell us anything about it's story , needs some improvement ^^ ) and we went to c those shows .. ( not thai girl shows , those are XXX ) , went to c those guys who underwent operation for sexual transfer ( did i get it rite ?? sex transfer or sexual transfer ??? sorry .. ) they are kinda obscene anyway , and it really broadened my "perspectives", they are really super skinny , super sexy, super gentle ! haha ! too bad i'm not that type of gal ..

2nd day , explored around hattyai , tried d koay teow soup, fried oyster, desserts , not bad .. but kinda expensive .. the only food i love is from the stall near my hotel -- mayflower hotel , there's this lady selling nangka dessert( something like bubur chacha + nangka ) , greencurry laksa , and tomyam laksa . sth to note : whatever the thais tell u that they're not spicy / mild spicy , they're spicy for malaysians and whatever they tell u that it's a little bit spicy , it's super super super spicy for malaysians !! haha .. that's why the tomyam soup turned out to burn my nostrils and i have to finish a whole bottle of coke to recover from it .

at nite , exchange presents , ( it's sth like christmas, but we can't see every of our family members during christmas , so we changed to chinese new year instead )

i bought a raulph lauren shirt for my erkor

mum bought a seiko watch for dad

sis bought a shirt for mum

dad bought a blouse for sis

i got a scarf and a necklace from my big bro

and er kor gave big bro sth very weird .. a bottle of heinekken , chocolates , and a hypo for hanging purpose .. that's just what he does always .. being special as usual **

3rd day , nth much to say ,we explored around and went back home .

it was an enjoyable trip anyway and i'm very very happy ^^

随心札记

2008-01-04T09:19:00.001-08:00

duh .. 我要开始了。。

前几分钟，在电脑前发呆、懊恼着，照片怎么都不见了？我本想upload照片的，因“一图胜千语”，那么久都没blog了，稍稍的愧疚感，使的确有点，相知小蜜蜂不断地在耳边嗡嗡萦绕，叫我不得不忽视它的重要性。

好了，现在终于要开始了，我还是无言。我就是这样，有着电脑屏幕痴呆症。之前一直盯促自己，一定要写这个、写那个，但是对着电脑屏幕，却一个字也写不出，呆。

最近，在这个假期，我没读书，除了如往常一样到幼儿园帮忙外，我还迷上了张爱玲。这是让我觉得我的假期不是白费的唯一的借口，每当想看书时，就会从妈妈的书丛里翻出张爱玲的书籍，然后一一地翻看，看了《金锁记》、《怨女》、《半生缘》、《沉香屑》、《心经》等作品，让我不知不觉地陶醉在那时，三、四十年代的上海，那时的人物，场景，就仿佛从他文字里跳跃出来，活现在眼前。给我的感觉，是陈旧，是无奈，也许有点怪，但我形容它是像旧书那样，是黄色的。就是那种书皮泛黄的颜色。哈！

它里面，说着女人无尽无尽的悲哀，感叹家庭背景带来的困扰，感叹大时代的无奈，尤其是女人，那时的身份极卑微，我就这样，深深地被它牵动着。。

其实，张爱玲，他的生活很坎坷，他的人生坎坷，小时的阴影，父亲是个吸大麻的，母亲四岁就离开她，过后又加上后母的恶待，他的父亲曾经把它软禁，生病时不派认为他看诊，那他躺在床上，足足有半年之久，还有很多关于他的故事，说不尽，我在这里简述。他的情路坎坷，爱上了胡兰成，胡兰成那时是汪精卫的一员，除了让张爱玲受到情伤，更让张爱玲无辜被蒙上了汉奸的罪名，张爱玲那时伤心至极，从此绝不提起胡兰成。过后，他爱上了赖亚，赖亚生重病，为了医好赖亚，熬夜写稿，稿子又一直被踢回，就一直写，写到经历憔悴，双眼出血，他生平坎坷的遭遇，让他的故事的主人翁大半都没有好的结局，正反映了现实的残酷。他的人生，就像他写的故事，正谓人生如戏，戏如人生啊！

说实在，我有写不完的张爱玲，但有愧于自己对他的认识，才一个月之久，不当评论过甚。张爱玲，还有待我慢慢发现他的其他特点呢！不妨抽空，也看看张爱玲吧。不看张爱玲，也可看其他。。千万别让千古流传下来的文化流失了哦！！华人加油！！

2008 年的我，也得好好加油，明天就回去subang jaya，那时更接近梦想的一步了，往目标迈进！阿赢加油！大家加油！

阿赢
duh .. 我要开始了。。

前几分钟，在电脑前发呆、懊恼着，照片怎么都不见了？我本想upload照片的，因“一图胜千语”，那么久都没blog了，稍稍的愧疚感，使的确有点，相知小蜜蜂不断地在耳边嗡嗡萦绕，叫我不得不忽视它的重要性。

好了，现在终于要开始了，我还是无言。我就是这样，有着电脑屏幕痴呆症。之前一直盯促自己，一定要写这个、写那个，但是对着电脑屏幕，却一个字也写不出，呆。

最近，在这个假期，我没读书，除了如往常一样到幼儿园帮忙外，我还迷上了张爱玲。这是让我觉得我的假期不是白费的唯一的借口，每当想看书时，就会从妈妈的书丛里翻出张爱玲的书籍，然后一一地翻看，看了《金锁记》、《怨女》、《半生缘》、《沉香屑》、《心经》等作品，让我不知不觉地陶醉在那时，三、四十年代的上海，那时的人物，场景，就仿佛从他文字里跳跃出来，活现在眼前。给我的感觉，是陈旧，是无奈，也许有点怪，但我形容它是像旧书那样，是黄色的。就是那种书皮泛黄的颜色。哈！

它里面，说着女人无尽无尽的悲哀，感叹家庭背景带来的困扰，感叹大时代的无奈，尤其是女人，那时的身份极卑微，我就这样，深深地被它牵动着。。

其实，张爱玲，他的生活很坎坷，他的人生坎坷，小时的阴影，父亲是个吸大麻的，母亲四岁就离开她，过后又加上后母的恶待，他的父亲曾经把它软禁，生病时不派认为他看诊，那他躺在床上，足足有半年之久，还有很多关于他的故事，说不尽，我在这里简述。他的情路坎坷，爱上了胡兰成，胡兰成那时是汪精卫的一员，除了让张爱玲受到情伤，更让张爱玲无辜被蒙上了汉奸的罪名，张爱玲那时伤心至极，从此绝不提起胡兰成。过后，他爱上了赖亚，赖亚生重病，为了医好赖亚，熬夜写稿，稿子又一直被踢回，就一直写，写到经历憔悴，双眼出血，他生平坎坷的遭遇，让他的故事的主人翁大半都没有好的结局，正反映了现实的残酷。他的人生，就像他写的故事，正谓人生如戏，戏如人生啊！

说实在，我有写不完的张爱玲，但有愧于自己对他的认识，才一个月之久，不当评论过甚。张爱玲，还有待我慢慢发现他的其他特点呢！不妨抽空，也看看张爱玲吧。不看张爱玲，也可看其他。。千万别让千古流传下来的文化流失了哦！！华人加油！！

2008 年的我，也得好好加油，明天就回去subang jaya，那时更接近梦想的一步了，往目标迈进！阿赢加油！大家加油！

阿赢

2007-12-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

aye aye !! i'm having holidays .. i'm enjoying every moment of it .. time flies , surprisingly , the first week of my holidays is coming to an end.

in retrospect of my college life , they had been wonderfully awesome. lecturers are helpful , they're experienced , they're knowledgeable . friends .. hah !! like yvonne , katherine , and julia ? they're my college buddies ^^ en .. we're the kl^3 =P this sounds like a very lame name , it's our initial for our surname ... hahhahahhaa ... but we're prone to love it ^^ we did a lot of stuffs together ... and i would like to apologise for not being able to be with u guys sometimes , but trust me , i sayang u guys as well , it's deep inside my heart .

i had been lonely , living alone without the company of family members had always been weird for me . but luckily , i strived and survived tho .. there were nites where i weeped over the absence of my family members , i was blaming myself for not being together wif them to go through those time of adversities.. i have to admit , i was really feeble that moment .. there were just times when i'm not myself .

and academic wise , i am shame to say , i failed . from spm to cal , it's a major transition for me . it's of greater intensity and volume , and i wasn't well prepared for it . i'm just progressing at the advanced subsidiary level , and yet i'm feeling the tense and pressure. bio , chem is going fine for me , but physics and maths ?? ho ho . .and somemore with thinking skills ?? sorry dude , u got the wrong person . i'm a total failure in these subjects , despite mr. hari's effort to make physics an interesting subject so we won't drop his subject, i still can't handle physics well . i'm sorry .

it's the end of the year , and i'm turning 19 next year , last year of me being a teenager . my teenager life haven't been going pretty smooth for me , am i not putting enough effort ?? this is my last year . i'm not gonna compromise wif my bad attitude , i'm not gonna stay lazy , i'm not gonna stay demotivated . i wanna get good results , i wanna gain more knowledge , i wanna enjoy life , i'm gonna live life to the fullest .

live life to the fullest , that will be my new year ( 2008 ) aspiration.

yi ying

aequanimitas

学不会

going against all odds

the dreamer and the follower

emotion tweaks

get it right

If - Rudyard Kipling

recent happenings

happy mother's day

织梦

colourblind

thorns vs. stones

hello march

spiral

midnight rambles

forgiving

random.

A date with sunshine

reminder

winter

buddha teachings

2nd year. 1st month

home

Petronas Chinese New Year Ad

a note to remember

venting

知足

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

faith

awful

pseudo-emo. :)

of books

fairy-tale.

why leave man to the sixth day ?

random stuffs that she misses.

sad.

the little girl

无题

a daughter's wish

insights

merry 2010 !!

s-n-o-w !

the terribly cold roommate.

re-lived.

the rose.

倔强就是我

mr. wu at chinatown

recipe testing, which turns out to be a party

hello from london !!

椰子糖

sin yin

my high school essay

jumbled thoughts.

Cheers of Joy, Joy and Joy

trust me, kids don't lie Xp

rejoice first, think later .

i just turned 20

disappointment

LOST and FOUND

the wings of hope

scribblings

ang gu and mi gu

18SG

note of thanks

random

my dear january

dear friend.

worried.

over-optimistic and totally clueless .

weirdo. additional post *winks*

i need a break

谁能了？谁能了？

my taiwan trip

great morning tempted me to do this =)

new year !! thailand !!

随心札记

weirdo. additional post winks