And you know what :
I might be the prisoner of this city physically,
But I am not imprisoned spiritually.
I live free,
In my dreams.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Update
I just came back from Penang and had a phenomenally wonderful stay there filled with FOOD FOOD FOOD and more FOOD. It is good to recharge after all. :)
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Volunteering at Pandawas Academy Part 2
So let me resume my story. I continued volunteering at Pandawas Academy again, and I taught back Miss F. from last week. Today, we moved on to action verbs, whereby I would teach her how to answer when people ask "what did you do" ? We learned 15 of them in total, including peeing. Haha. It was quite fun, and I have to act it out, and it takes a lot of time for her to get my questions at times, but I am quite persistent eh. So *pats on the back for me* :) It started with initially requiring me acting out a lot so you can imagine me being quite animated on the desk. But it was good, because this sparks her learning interest, and every time if she forgets and I reminded her she will have the "AHHHH" moment. So probably she is learning something. We did some math questions too, addition and subtraction - but more to explore regarding her math talent in the future for our engineer to be! When we ended the session, I spoke good bye to her in Farsi, and she cuddled around me and gave me a big hug, which was kind of a heart-warming moment for me. :)
Other additional info I have learnt about refugees in Malaysia :
These refugees can't get any sort of qualifications coz they don't take any formal examination in Malaysia, so they would be leaving with whatever the refugee school has taught them. Even though education seems to be of least importance in the priority ranks for the refugees, but education is most important in helping them move up the social ladder in the future. If only they can see the world beyond this.
Other additional info I have learnt about refugees in Malaysia :
These refugees can't get any sort of qualifications coz they don't take any formal examination in Malaysia, so they would be leaving with whatever the refugee school has taught them. Even though education seems to be of least importance in the priority ranks for the refugees, but education is most important in helping them move up the social ladder in the future. If only they can see the world beyond this.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Volunteering at Pandawas Academy
So, today is my first day of volunteering at Pandawas Academy. Pandawas Academy is a school for refugees founded by Robert Levitt, and Jeanette Chan, Francis Tay and Jessica Wee with the aim of using advanced teaching methods to cultivate the students ability to think independently, innovate and solve problems beyond the traditional techniques taught in schools. As of current, Pandawas Academy has approximately 70 students, majority of them who comes from Afghanistan, with a minority of students comprising of refugees from Iraq and Pakistan.
I was assigned to F., a 10 years old girl from Afghanistan. It started with an introduction session where I shared my a bit of my life to her, and she has to reciprocate by telling me her life too. She left Afghanistan when she was young, and stayed a few years in Australia as refugee before coming to Malaysia. At the age of 10, she seemed to be extremely cheerful and polite, despite having limited English vocabulary, she makes her best effort to communicate. We spent the first hour which was supposed to be an English tutoring session talking about her family, with me teaching her on how to construct sentences talking about her family. We started with 5 sentences about each other, with me telling her about myself, and she on the other end, has to learn how to construct simple sentences about her life. When the proper lesson is supposed to begin, I asked her what is her preference, and she said she would love to learn how to construct sentences, and that is how it began. Her topic was family, and her face lights up when she mentioned about her family. I taught her about surnames, family members, hobbies, occupation - so she would be able to link them to her family, and would be able to answer those questions when people ask her about her family. I had a small giggle inside when I she tells me her whole family loves to eat hamburgers, which I think is really cute. When she did not know about a word, she would shake her head and give me a sheepish smile, and I would assure her that it is alright and I would try to understand her, despite us having language barriers.
The second hour of the tutoring was a Math session, and we played some games which required calculation instead. Whilst playing, I tried to ask her which part of Afghanistan she came from, trying to get a better understanding of her life before she came to Malaysia, but she did not respond - possibly because she did not understand what I was talking about. But : I managed to ask her what is her ambition, and where would she want to be when she grows up. She told me that she wanted to be an engineer, and she wanted to go back to Australia and study as an engineering student when she grows up. I told her that she needs to speak fluent English, and she has to be good in Math, and she nodded her head vigorously, and told me that she is very good in Math, which was inevitably true. We ended the game and before she left, she taught me a few words in Farsi as well : "thank you, teacher, and good bye"; which was really sweet of her, and we made a pact to teach each other new words in our future sessions. It was a good experience, after all.
Reflection :
This is my second time volunteering with Afghanistan refugees, and my second time tutoring the underprivileged, and somehow having doing it again 2 years later, I feel that I am more capable of handling the communication barriers that were present. I also noticed the difference between treatment of refugees in United Kingdom vs. Malaysia. In United Kingdom, refugees would be placed in government schools and receive proper education up till college level; whereas refugees in Malaysia would have to turn to refugee schools set up by NGO for education. Refugees in United Kingdom would be given a stipend of 20 pounds per week too, and would be assigned to council house for their accomodation. The benefits provided to refugees in Malaysia remains unanswered whereby pertinent aspects of their life such as accessibility to healthcare, job prospects is still unknown, to me. With 150,000 refugees in Malaysia, how is the government managing them as a whole?
I was assigned to F., a 10 years old girl from Afghanistan. It started with an introduction session where I shared my a bit of my life to her, and she has to reciprocate by telling me her life too. She left Afghanistan when she was young, and stayed a few years in Australia as refugee before coming to Malaysia. At the age of 10, she seemed to be extremely cheerful and polite, despite having limited English vocabulary, she makes her best effort to communicate. We spent the first hour which was supposed to be an English tutoring session talking about her family, with me teaching her on how to construct sentences talking about her family. We started with 5 sentences about each other, with me telling her about myself, and she on the other end, has to learn how to construct simple sentences about her life. When the proper lesson is supposed to begin, I asked her what is her preference, and she said she would love to learn how to construct sentences, and that is how it began. Her topic was family, and her face lights up when she mentioned about her family. I taught her about surnames, family members, hobbies, occupation - so she would be able to link them to her family, and would be able to answer those questions when people ask her about her family. I had a small giggle inside when I she tells me her whole family loves to eat hamburgers, which I think is really cute. When she did not know about a word, she would shake her head and give me a sheepish smile, and I would assure her that it is alright and I would try to understand her, despite us having language barriers.
The second hour of the tutoring was a Math session, and we played some games which required calculation instead. Whilst playing, I tried to ask her which part of Afghanistan she came from, trying to get a better understanding of her life before she came to Malaysia, but she did not respond - possibly because she did not understand what I was talking about. But : I managed to ask her what is her ambition, and where would she want to be when she grows up. She told me that she wanted to be an engineer, and she wanted to go back to Australia and study as an engineering student when she grows up. I told her that she needs to speak fluent English, and she has to be good in Math, and she nodded her head vigorously, and told me that she is very good in Math, which was inevitably true. We ended the game and before she left, she taught me a few words in Farsi as well : "thank you, teacher, and good bye"; which was really sweet of her, and we made a pact to teach each other new words in our future sessions. It was a good experience, after all.
Reflection :
This is my second time volunteering with Afghanistan refugees, and my second time tutoring the underprivileged, and somehow having doing it again 2 years later, I feel that I am more capable of handling the communication barriers that were present. I also noticed the difference between treatment of refugees in United Kingdom vs. Malaysia. In United Kingdom, refugees would be placed in government schools and receive proper education up till college level; whereas refugees in Malaysia would have to turn to refugee schools set up by NGO for education. Refugees in United Kingdom would be given a stipend of 20 pounds per week too, and would be assigned to council house for their accomodation. The benefits provided to refugees in Malaysia remains unanswered whereby pertinent aspects of their life such as accessibility to healthcare, job prospects is still unknown, to me. With 150,000 refugees in Malaysia, how is the government managing them as a whole?
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Time
If only I have more than 24 hours.
But here's a note to myself, keep going. You're almost there.
But here's a note to myself, keep going. You're almost there.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Hospital Diaries : Locked in Syndrome
Have you ever imagined if your soul is locked inside your body, and you can't express yourself except only by blinking? Imagine you can't move your limbs even if you want, imagine if you wanted to talk so much, but words could not come out of your mouth, imagine when people attempt to feed you but you could not open your mouth, move your tongue. Imagine living your life in a container.
I saw a patient who was diagnosed with locked in syndrome this week. When I first saw Mr. M, he was lying on the bed, with a tracheostomy, and a nasogastric tube intact. I talked to him, and he could respond only by blinking his eye. And that is the only way you communicate with patients with locked in syndrome, and that has been the way of communication for the entire week. I would ask a question, and a yes would be two blinks and a no would be one blink. It is not easy getting the blinks right, because sometimes you never know whether one would be blinking spontaneously. And to be honest, from his gaze I know he didn't like me from the start, because I would sense this kind of angry gaze from his eyes, and I know he doesn't like me touching him. But, I started to pay attention at the little things he need, and do simple things for him, such as : wiping saliva off his mouth, helping to notice if he had any skin infections, and helping him to wipe of the mucus secretions that came off his tracheostomy tube. Eventually, I think we are actually communicating, because I sometimes he would refuse to do my commands and I would ask : Why ? Does it hurt? and he would blink two times. And sometimes after I finish my interview, I would ask - do you want me to call the nurse ? and he would blink two times, and after that, I asked can you tell me why? and I would list out a series of options for him, and he would blink two times when I got it right, and I would reconfirm it. It turns out to be a two way communication in the end, and I am glad that I did not give up on him. At times, I would give him words of encouragement, and tell him to be strong. I know it is hard, and I would see tears lingering from his eyes at times.
What they say in medicine is true : it is never made for you to feel good about yourself, but it is to make the patient feel good and make them feel better, and by paying attention to little things, you can actually make a big difference. Communication is a two way street : you listen, and you respond with care, and things will work out in the end.
I saw a patient who was diagnosed with locked in syndrome this week. When I first saw Mr. M, he was lying on the bed, with a tracheostomy, and a nasogastric tube intact. I talked to him, and he could respond only by blinking his eye. And that is the only way you communicate with patients with locked in syndrome, and that has been the way of communication for the entire week. I would ask a question, and a yes would be two blinks and a no would be one blink. It is not easy getting the blinks right, because sometimes you never know whether one would be blinking spontaneously. And to be honest, from his gaze I know he didn't like me from the start, because I would sense this kind of angry gaze from his eyes, and I know he doesn't like me touching him. But, I started to pay attention at the little things he need, and do simple things for him, such as : wiping saliva off his mouth, helping to notice if he had any skin infections, and helping him to wipe of the mucus secretions that came off his tracheostomy tube. Eventually, I think we are actually communicating, because I sometimes he would refuse to do my commands and I would ask : Why ? Does it hurt? and he would blink two times. And sometimes after I finish my interview, I would ask - do you want me to call the nurse ? and he would blink two times, and after that, I asked can you tell me why? and I would list out a series of options for him, and he would blink two times when I got it right, and I would reconfirm it. It turns out to be a two way communication in the end, and I am glad that I did not give up on him. At times, I would give him words of encouragement, and tell him to be strong. I know it is hard, and I would see tears lingering from his eyes at times.
What they say in medicine is true : it is never made for you to feel good about yourself, but it is to make the patient feel good and make them feel better, and by paying attention to little things, you can actually make a big difference. Communication is a two way street : you listen, and you respond with care, and things will work out in the end.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Hospital Diaries : apraxia
So I saw a young man today who presented to the hospital following a motor vehicle accident. He could not speak following his accident, and doesn't seem to be comprehending much either. He could vocalize, but couldn't speak spontaneously. He could repeat the word "pen", but couldn't identify a pen. When asked to smile, he would simply repeat "smile smile smile", for he does not understand the commands. It was devastating if you imagine your soul being trapped inside a body, in which you are not sure what to do with. All your previous memories essential to your survival was wiped out, ie he would not be able to use any tools presented. This is what they call ideomotor apraxia.
I dozed off while writing this yesterday, and here is an update : the patient was able to hold a pen and use it to write a word (that doesn't make sense), but was unable to write a full sentence, still could not name a pen, but is able to talk now. I am so happy for him, and I hope he will be back to his functional state soon :)
At times when you question yourself if this journey is worthy of all the sacrifices that you make, having witnessed such miracles would convince you that this is the right path. Now just keep going :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Shit pies ! :)
I guess work is the only way that can maintain my sanity at this moment. I can't explain what is going on in my life right now, but I know this is not the end of the journey. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and if life throws shit at you, just make them awesome shit pies.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Hospital diaries : Multiple sclerosis
Knock knock. An old man pushing a young man bound to a wheelchair entered the room. The first thing I noted was a bag for containing urine hanging out of the man's legs. It was a follow up session for this young gentleman with multiple sclerosis, who had been diagnosed at age of 22, but the specific variant of multiple sclerosis that he had was a bad one and the disease progressed beyond its control. It is called tumefactive multiple sclerosis.
It is the first time I saw a male patient with multiple sclerosis, as they are more common amongst females. To my surprise, it is 1 out of the 3 cases that they saw in the hospital. How lucky I am. This gentleman had a suprapubic catheter placed because he had developed a fistula (meaning a connection between his bladder and his bowel), and couldn't urinate through the normal route (ie. the urethra). He also developed a sacral sore which I am guessing from the pressure sores from having been wheelchair bound for the past few years. As a result of his sacral sore, he had to have a stoma inserted in his bowel for feces elimination. He spent his past year in ICU undergoing all sorts of operation to get his catheter and stoma in place.
The thoughts that came into my mind was : I couldn't imagine what sort of life I would be living if I couldn't walk, couldn't talk, couldn't urinate / defecate and had to rely on other people for the rest of my life. I salute the father as well, for he appeared cheerful, and was constantly reassuring his son throughout the interview. I am not that brave to be able to dwell through whatever that the gentleman is facing, and I laughed at things that I usually fret about / worry about. What are my problems compared to theirs anyway?
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
:)
This is the best birthday present ever.
Got accepted to present my research in an international conference for the work I did in US a few months ago. I feel like all the sweat and tears are all worth it now.
Note to self : Keep going. Don't give up. :)
Got accepted to present my research in an international conference for the work I did in US a few months ago. I feel like all the sweat and tears are all worth it now.
Note to self : Keep going. Don't give up. :)
Friday, May 9, 2014
May
Hrm, May is finally here, a very much dreaded month and an anticipated month. The dread : USMLE !! The anticipation : end of USMLE :) It also marks the month I'm turning into 1/4 century old!! (Lol I sound like a piece of antique)
But I am here to write about my dreams. A friend of mine from Taiwan is currently doing his clinical rotations in Imperial, and as I read about things that he is doing and stuffs that he has been thinking about, I regret for not being able to appreciate the teachings and lament them as chores without realizing its importance and significance. On the same note, I too regret for taking things for granted during my university years, allowing opportunities to pass by. I too, regret for not putting in my very best, not trying my very best in everything that I do. Those days I seemed to have an excuse for everything I do. I seemed to be a terrible person back then. So here is my confession for all the times that I have allowed to waste, for all the things that I did not take initiative for, for all the things that I took for granted.
Here's a promise to myself : never make the same mistakes anymore. Live mindfully and reach for the stars. Never look back, and ever look upwards.
Also, happy, happy birthday to myself!! I apologize for being so syok-sendiri on my blog but I believe nobody reads it anyway :p
Friday, March 14, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Hello whassup?
I have been away for a while, and pardon me but I really had intentions of abandoning this blog until I received a message from a friend who told me : have been re-reading your blog posts, and I realized that you have grown a lot (yay). So yeah, I guess this blog shall be temporarily kept alive by virtue of those words, for the sake of preserving thoughts and memories.
So what have I been doing when I was away, not blogging? Soul searching (lol). But that's partially true, I am in the midst of a quest in fulfilling the dreams of my life! (yes i made that up, partially. it is not as happening / amazing when you have to read a minimum of 10 hours everyday) I am currently in my 2nd year of medical studies, and it is becoming increasingly hectic, coz I have a major exam coming up in late May, USMLE (abbreviation for United States Medical Licensing Exam). So if you are questioning what am I thinking of everyday when I am staring into blank space, that's it - USMLE.
.
Have I told you guys I went to the United States for research? It was a short trip, around 7 weeks sponsored by my Uni, and I was fortunate enough to stay in East Baltimore, the dangerous side of Baltimore with a neighbourhood famous for drug-dealings and crimes. Everyone has been asking me how was it : and to be honest, I felt like I was back in Imperial College again. I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to participate in ward rounds, and scrubbed in for observation of operation for a day too (10 hours of standing, by which my legs were announced dead by the end of the day). I visited some other areas too - NYC, Philadelphia and Washington D.C., and DC was by far my favorite. I have always enjoyed visiting museums, and that's why DC was really fun for me, I guess. I missed out the Brooklyn Bridge coz I didn't have time for it, so I'll save that for next time. How about Philly? I would say : it's the CHEAPEST place to tour out of the 3!
So what's next in my life? For the next few months I would be spending a lot of time with my chair, desk, computer and books till end of May and hence would be having minimal social contact time. I might resort to blogging to vent out my frustrations, so please wait patiently till you hear from me the next time. :)
Loves!
So what have I been doing when I was away, not blogging? Soul searching (lol). But that's partially true, I am in the midst of a quest in fulfilling the dreams of my life! (yes i made that up, partially. it is not as happening / amazing when you have to read a minimum of 10 hours everyday) I am currently in my 2nd year of medical studies, and it is becoming increasingly hectic, coz I have a major exam coming up in late May, USMLE (abbreviation for United States Medical Licensing Exam). So if you are questioning what am I thinking of everyday when I am staring into blank space, that's it - USMLE.
.
Have I told you guys I went to the United States for research? It was a short trip, around 7 weeks sponsored by my Uni, and I was fortunate enough to stay in East Baltimore, the dangerous side of Baltimore with a neighbourhood famous for drug-dealings and crimes. Everyone has been asking me how was it : and to be honest, I felt like I was back in Imperial College again. I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to participate in ward rounds, and scrubbed in for observation of operation for a day too (10 hours of standing, by which my legs were announced dead by the end of the day). I visited some other areas too - NYC, Philadelphia and Washington D.C., and DC was by far my favorite. I have always enjoyed visiting museums, and that's why DC was really fun for me, I guess. I missed out the Brooklyn Bridge coz I didn't have time for it, so I'll save that for next time. How about Philly? I would say : it's the CHEAPEST place to tour out of the 3!
So what's next in my life? For the next few months I would be spending a lot of time with my chair, desk, computer and books till end of May and hence would be having minimal social contact time. I might resort to blogging to vent out my frustrations, so please wait patiently till you hear from me the next time. :)
Loves!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Spinal Muscular Atrophy
Meet Shane, a 21 year old man with Spinal Muscular Atrophy diagnosed since 2 years old.
Imagine a life where your muscles are no longer controlled by your brain.
Imagine a life where your muscles shrink and gets weaker day by day.
Imagine losing the ability to walk, run, hop, jump.
Imagine inserting a nasal tube into your nose everyday before you sleep just so you won't die of respiratory muscle failure.
Imagine spending only 20 minutes to chew a mouthful.
Imagine requiring assistance for feeding.
Imagine requiring assistance for showering.
What would you do ? How would you react to it ?
I shall not elaborate further on that, and let the video walk you through it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwZZZkrJycQ
Meanwhile, here is an afterthought for myself :
' Live as if everyday is the last day of your life. Try your best and be fearless.'
Imagine a life where your muscles are no longer controlled by your brain.
Imagine a life where your muscles shrink and gets weaker day by day.
Imagine losing the ability to walk, run, hop, jump.
Imagine inserting a nasal tube into your nose everyday before you sleep just so you won't die of respiratory muscle failure.
Imagine spending only 20 minutes to chew a mouthful.
Imagine requiring assistance for feeding.
Imagine requiring assistance for showering.
What would you do ? How would you react to it ?
I shall not elaborate further on that, and let the video walk you through it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwZZZkrJycQ
Meanwhile, here is an afterthought for myself :
' Live as if everyday is the last day of your life. Try your best and be fearless.'
Monday, June 10, 2013
Little bouts of sunshine
After a good ranting and self reflection yesterday, good things happened to me today. Sometimes, you never know what's around the corner. Keep doing your best and somehow, someday, you'll be rewarded. (yay)
I have been going through some old pictures, and these are the stuffs that I have been missing. And looking at them simply makes me happy. Silly me :p
I have been going through some old pictures, and these are the stuffs that I have been missing. And looking at them simply makes me happy. Silly me :p
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| Food from Borough Market. I didn't have the picture of the infamous Raclette. But looking at this yummy meringue would suffice. |
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| St. Paul's Cathedral. My favourite landmark in London alongside with Tower Bridge, Big Ben. St. Paul's Cathedral ranks first. I could never ever get bored of looking at it. |
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| Prof. Dr. Sigmund Freud's Office in Austria. This was taken when I was doing my solo travel in Vienna, Austria. One of the perks of travelling alone is that you'll be able to visit something as boring as this (but as interesting as it is to me) without having to offend anybody. (yay) |
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| One of my favourite places. Hallstatt, Austria. |
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| Wolfgangsee, Austria. I miss going on road trips and this was one of the best I ever had ! We were randomly exploring around this quiet town and managed to witness an air fair, fireworks as we dine under the stars, and scenic landscapes. :) Being able to help someone, travelling, and food are my sunshine factors. Life feels good after receiving my sunshine boost! What's your sunshine factor then ? :) |
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Thoughts
Hey all, I am back to blogging again.
It's quite funny but these few days I imagine myself doing these few things :
1. Drowning
2. Running away - escaping this routine of medical school and be a globe trotter doing odd jobs in all cities of the world, the only thing I ever wanted in this life.
Truth is, I haven't been feeling pretty much myself lately. I am almost a quarter done with medical school, and to be honest there is never a moment that I have ever regretted for joining it.
However, I have been having doubts with myself lately and doing my usual thing- worrying about nonchalant stuffs. Back in college we call it TTMS - it's a syndrome due to overthinking, which is bad. So, what are my worries actually ? The big thing that has been constantly playing on a loop in my brain is : I am afraid that I won't be a good enough doctor for my patients. I never doubted my resolute of becoming a doctor, but I doubt myself in becoming a good one. I am worried of the day where I had to attend the M&M review, and I was the doctor in charge who is responsible for the patient's life.
Life is too precious, and what makes doctors healers of life and soul? As I traverse along this journey, I find myself weak and incapable of performing such a noble job but I know I have to continue with this journey of my own. I find myself cowardly for finding fear in what I am about to do. But I have to overcome my fears anyhow.
Note to self : "Let's do this. Let's be brave. Let's face the consequences"
Quoting from someone I know : "if you're afraid of something and not doing it, your fear will grow bigger and you'll be afraid of similar things; but if you crush your fear, you will do more and more things that you were afraid of back then, probably you are still scared, but you are doing it at the very least."
I have been trying to overcome my fears all this while - by acknowledging them and doing something about it to overcome it, so why not now then ? I hope that one day, I will be able to say confidently that
" I have considered all the possibilities and tried the best for my patients. His / her recovery now rests on God's will. "
I hope I'll be the best doctor for my patients some day. :)
P.s. Here's an article to share - Drew Houston's (Founder of Dropbox) Commencement Address
http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2013/commencement-address-houston-0607.html
My after thoughts : It appears to be that if you are to live up to 80 years, you would have 29200 days in your life to spend. Note to self : stop worrying , make it an adventure and go ever upward. Make your journey one that will be remembered.
It's quite funny but these few days I imagine myself doing these few things :
1. Drowning
2. Running away - escaping this routine of medical school and be a globe trotter doing odd jobs in all cities of the world, the only thing I ever wanted in this life.
Truth is, I haven't been feeling pretty much myself lately. I am almost a quarter done with medical school, and to be honest there is never a moment that I have ever regretted for joining it.
However, I have been having doubts with myself lately and doing my usual thing- worrying about nonchalant stuffs. Back in college we call it TTMS - it's a syndrome due to overthinking, which is bad. So, what are my worries actually ? The big thing that has been constantly playing on a loop in my brain is : I am afraid that I won't be a good enough doctor for my patients. I never doubted my resolute of becoming a doctor, but I doubt myself in becoming a good one. I am worried of the day where I had to attend the M&M review, and I was the doctor in charge who is responsible for the patient's life.
Life is too precious, and what makes doctors healers of life and soul? As I traverse along this journey, I find myself weak and incapable of performing such a noble job but I know I have to continue with this journey of my own. I find myself cowardly for finding fear in what I am about to do. But I have to overcome my fears anyhow.
Note to self : "Let's do this. Let's be brave. Let's face the consequences"
Quoting from someone I know : "if you're afraid of something and not doing it, your fear will grow bigger and you'll be afraid of similar things; but if you crush your fear, you will do more and more things that you were afraid of back then, probably you are still scared, but you are doing it at the very least."
I have been trying to overcome my fears all this while - by acknowledging them and doing something about it to overcome it, so why not now then ? I hope that one day, I will be able to say confidently that
" I have considered all the possibilities and tried the best for my patients. His / her recovery now rests on God's will. "
I hope I'll be the best doctor for my patients some day. :)
P.s. Here's an article to share - Drew Houston's (Founder of Dropbox) Commencement Address
http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2013/commencement-address-houston-0607.html
My after thoughts : It appears to be that if you are to live up to 80 years, you would have 29200 days in your life to spend. Note to self : stop worrying , make it an adventure and go ever upward. Make your journey one that will be remembered.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
怎么了
最近的生活，很忙碌。 忙什么？忙着追逐梦想。 梦想是什么? 无法赋予定义，只知道要当一个好医生。好医生的定义，又是什么？一个忽略身边周遭的人，只为了追求梦想的人，还算是一个人吗？值得吗？
我也不知道。
只知道，这半年以来，一直把自己埋藏在书丛中，不停地考试，和家人的相处的时间也少了，和朋友的时间也不怎么多。最近家里有事，才发现我在追逐梦想的当儿，忽略了家人。值得吗？为什么要那么执著？问自己，却没有答案。
总觉得，时间不够，年轻时就应该去拼，家人-- 可以等。才发现自己不知不觉已经成了一个冷漠的读书怪兽。不值得。不值得。
是时候，从新开始。人生里，永远都要有家人， 才是完整。
我也不知道。
只知道，这半年以来，一直把自己埋藏在书丛中，不停地考试，和家人的相处的时间也少了，和朋友的时间也不怎么多。最近家里有事，才发现我在追逐梦想的当儿，忽略了家人。值得吗？为什么要那么执著？问自己，却没有答案。
总觉得，时间不够，年轻时就应该去拼，家人-- 可以等。才发现自己不知不觉已经成了一个冷漠的读书怪兽。不值得。不值得。
是时候，从新开始。人生里，永远都要有家人， 才是完整。
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The Velluvial Matrix
Having starting my 10th week in PUGSOM, to be
honest I would be lying if I said I expected everything that I have experienced
thus far. Frankly speaking, having passed Anatomy Module and Foundations in
Public Health Module in a whiz, I never expected time would pass by so fast and
so meaningfully. Knowing that what you are learning now will make sense in the
future, and knowing that you are actually in the good hands of really good
lecturers is reassuring, despite tonnes of workload that you have to overcome.
In midst of complaining / whining of how busy things are and
how stressful life is : something impressed upon me – the Velluvial Matrix.
It was the title of one of Stanford’s commemoration speech,
handed out to us as reading materials by Dr. Sanjay, our module leader for the
leadership and teamwork intersession. For your information, it is the first
module we were being taught when we first entered PUGSOM. I never know that I
would appreciate this article this much till the point that I realize that that
article really makes sense. To quote :
‘
The information for one to contain is just too much. No
matter how much an individual shines, there are still things that cannot be
done alone. More importantly I start to realize that this is particularly true
in the field of medicine, whereby cooperative efforts from each professional
individual is more important than that individual who shines alone out there.
Speaking in more layman terms, medicine is definitely not like what you see in
“House” the television series. Nevertheless, each of us, about to enter the
medicine profession should strive our best – to be as thirsty as possible in
our quest for learning, and learn – not for the sake of getting a first in the
class, but to learn for the sake of our patients.
I am glad, to be at the right place. Whenever I question my
purpose of giving up working and having a life ; and enrolling into a medical
school instead, having been in this very school justifies all my actions. I am really
grateful for all the teachings provided, and I am really glad that whenever I
am lost, I am ever guided with principles of good medicine – with trust,
compassion and integrity as guidelines and good academic teachings I am pretty
confident I am at the right spot , at the right time.
I never expected all these , 5 years ago. As they say, I think it is
serendipity that brought me here.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
So, what now ?
This is a question that I have been constantly asking myself, and yet I know that it is I, who is responsible to seek out for the answers.
Having finished my undergraduate degree in Imperial, there was no sighs of relief, nor signs of joy, much to my surprise.
But echoes of questions , questioning my purpose of being, questioning about the future, questioning of what might happen and what might not - surfaced, and re-surfaced constantly.
I know, it is the mind's old tricks again. Trying to cast doubts when I should be staying strong. Trying to propose an alternative view to what seemed solid / valid.
I am still trying to peek beyond the layers and layers of superficiality, and to seek the real truth. But I know that as long as I look hard enough, what I am eager to search for will be lying at the horizon, waving its hands at me.
I re-read the book 'The Alchemist' again, and I am surprised that I still managed to find some source of inspiration, after 5 years when I first lay my hands on it. And here is a famous line , and my favourite line from the book : when you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it.
So, I shall bid my past goodbye, and begin another journey, where more excitement and thrilling fun awaits.
Goodbye to this blog, once a collector of my thoughts and memories.
I send my love to everyone who reads this blog. And no matter who you are, remember to stay true to yourself. :)
Friday, March 2, 2012
do you know what it feels like to have the whole sky crumbling and heaving its heavy weight on you?
that feeling of being paralysed, gasping for air.
and i always wonder - why would it happen in the first place. why would it have to be the same person - again. but i guess, what didn't kill you, makes you stronger.
but i guess the fortunate thing is; in realty, you are still able to eat, breathe, and sleep normally despite the internal struggles.
let us hope that this too, will be over.
that feeling of being paralysed, gasping for air.
and i always wonder - why would it happen in the first place. why would it have to be the same person - again. but i guess, what didn't kill you, makes you stronger.
but i guess the fortunate thing is; in realty, you are still able to eat, breathe, and sleep normally despite the internal struggles.
let us hope that this too, will be over.
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