insights

it is yet another sleepless night. she was lying on the bed, trying to catch some sleep, so that she can save some energy for the lecture next day.

then, a pleasant thought came to her mind along with flashback of memories, she decided to get up from her bed and write about it before it fades away.

so it started with a trail of memories:

when she was 18, she attended the UWC interview. thanks for the interview for it broadened her horizons. for the first time, she felt inferior when she compared herself to other 'articulate' applicants. she sensed the need to change. she decided to reject the offer to study in a matriculation college in kedah.

when she knew she was rejected for the jpa scholarship, she cried so hard for 3 hours that her eyes were puffy ( just like a goldfish ). the rejection shattered her dreams to study overseas. she made up her mind to enrol in a college, just like the city folks did. dad never understand her intentions and dismissed her as materialistic (at that point of time) . mum understood her deepest desire and supported her decision. they looked up at a college called taylor's college, where it seems to be the place where the smart city people goes to study. they have to pay RM9500.00 for the first term semester fees. if there isn't the RM4500 from her mum and RM5000 from her sister, it wouldn't have changed her life.

she remembered how hard her mum has to work to fund her for college, how she cried and cried over the phone when she encountered hardship, how family love and support has been her main pillar of strength all this while. she feels grateful, and she awes at the thought of how her inner thoughts have changed her life. her will to change. her will to improve for the better. if she didn't feel inferior that time, she would be a contented student about to enrol in matriculation college. if she didn't have sufficient funding to study in taylor's, she wouldn't be here right now.

here she is, sitting on a bed in her halls in london. never imagined it to be possible. she is living out her dreams, and she feels thankful to the universe, to everyone, to every incident that occured. for if it were not for those incidents, she wouldn't have been here.

waking up from her pleasant thoughts, she realised that the past has contributed to the position she is right now. yet life goes on. she has to move on and cope with all the workload and stress. but she knows it is all worth by the end of the day. she knows she will never regret for the opportunity given to study in london. she is eager to learn more, in all aspects of life. she knows that 'life' will be a good tutor and with positive attitude, she will win her own gold medal in life, someday. she believes so.

her quote: keep on learning. never give up. be grateful always.

p.s.: she can't wait till 13th of feb. she misses mum and dad so so much. and brothers as well. oh gosh she is such a pampered child =)