Thoughts

Hey all, I am back to blogging again.

It's quite funny but these few days I imagine myself doing these few things :
1. Drowning
2. Running away - escaping this routine of medical school and be a globe trotter doing odd jobs in all cities of the world, the only thing I ever wanted in this life.

Truth is, I haven't been feeling pretty much myself lately. I am almost a quarter done with medical school, and  to be honest there is never a moment that I have ever regretted for joining it.

However, I have been having doubts with myself lately and doing my usual thing- worrying about nonchalant stuffs. Back in college we call it TTMS - it's a syndrome due to overthinking, which is bad.  So, what are my worries actually ? The big thing that has been constantly playing on a loop in my brain is : I am afraid that I won't be a good enough doctor for my patients. I never doubted my resolute of becoming a doctor, but I doubt myself in becoming a good one. I am worried of the day where I had to attend the M&M review, and I was the doctor in charge who is responsible for the patient's life.

Life is too precious, and what makes doctors healers of life and soul? As I traverse along this journey, I find myself weak and incapable of performing such a noble job but I know I have to continue with this journey of my own. I find myself cowardly for finding fear in what I am about to do. But I have to overcome my fears anyhow.

Note to self : "Let's do this. Let's be brave. Let's face the consequences"

Quoting from someone I know : "if you're afraid of something and not doing it, your fear will grow bigger and you'll be afraid of similar things; but if you crush your fear, you will do more and more things that you were afraid of back then, probably you are still scared, but you are doing it at the very least." 

I have been trying to overcome my fears all this while - by acknowledging them and doing something about it to overcome it, so why not now then ? I hope that one day, I will be able to say confidently that  
" I have considered all the possibilities and tried the best for my patients. His / her recovery now rests on God's will. " 

I hope I'll be the best doctor for my patients some day. :)

P.s. Here's an article to share - Drew Houston's (Founder of Dropbox) Commencement Address 
http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2013/commencement-address-houston-0607.html
My after thoughts : It appears to be that if you are to live up to 80 years, you would have 29200 days in your life to spend. Note to self : stop worrying , make it an adventure and go ever upward. Make your journey one that will be remembered.